Losing the battle

I have not updated the blog for a while, partly because I have been really busy offline but mostly because I really have nothing to say.

When I started this blog I intended to help educate people about selective eating disorder and write about my struggle to try and eat healthier. Recently I have not been doing well.

The amount of hours I am working just now while also trying to write an essay and study for an exam are making planning and cooking ahead of time very difficult and I have slipped back into the habit of eating the same things over and over again because I know they are safe.

This is not how I want to be. I don't want to eat the same unhealthy junk every day, I want so badly to be healthy, or at least healthier. I accept my limitations and I know my diet will never be completely healthy but I honestly thought I could improve and I have been trying so hard.

I had been going to the gym obsessively but even that is a struggle right now due to the lack of time I have free and how sore my feet are after a 12 hour shift. I get home around nine at night and am back up at five in the morning to get to work the next day. There simply isn't time to get to the gym and still manage to get some sleep and if I did decide to go anyway and just forget about the fact that I only have seven hours till I need to get back up again, I would have trouble working out due to the pain.

I know that I struggle physically with the twelve hour shifts because of my weight. I mean when you think about the amount of weight that is on my feet every day for twelve hours its a wonder I am not in more pain.

I am just so frustrated, I have been trying so hard.