Well the shakes worked!!!

Ok from my last post you can tell that I was really worried how I would handle my shake challenge and really sceptical about it working.

I am very proud to say that I have lost five and a half lbs! in seven days!

I wasn't brave enough to try them out while I was working in case I felt really hungry so I waited till I was on annual leave and started them last week. The first day wasn't easy I will be honest but within the first three days I had realised that I could have a very small lunch by splitting my calorie allowance and the weight started dropping off, by day three I had lost three lbs.

I can honestly say that after the first two days I was not feeling hungry at all after my shakes and they actually tasted really nice. I had loads of energy which is not like me, I attribute that to the extra vitamins in the shakes since my regular diet is so rubbish.

in fact I loved my shakes so much I have decided to join my friend in becoming a distributor for forever living. I have now had the chance to try many of their products and there are none I don't love. I am using the heat gel on my sore back and shoulder, and the moisturiser on my dry skin. I feel great and I am noticing a massive difference in my skin.

I will always be a picky eater, and I think I will always struggle with food but maybe I have finally found something that can at least help with the weight.

www.facebook.com/foreverwithkirsty

I have to lose this weight - drastic measures

I know I need to lose this weight, it has very much been at the forefront of my mind recently. I feel awful, I am tired all the time and I have been sicker this year than I ever have been in my life.

This is almost certainly related to my diet, but more so I think to my weight. My diet is bad, I am fully aware of that but I am making the effort as much as possible and things are definitely better than they were. So why do I feel worse?

The obvious answer is my weight. Although my diet has improved somewhat, my weight has never recovered. I remain heavier than I used to be, and only three kilos lighter than I was when I started this journey. Something drastic needs to happen, and it needs to happen soon.

I started taking these tablets that reduce your body's absorption of carbs and fat from the foods you eat. I don't eat that much fat, but I sure do love my carbs. The problem is I take medication that can't be taken at the same time as the tablets, you need a clear two hour window between them. Since I do not have two hours to wait around in the mornings I can't take the tablets at breakfast. Not a huge deal I figure, better to take them twice a day than never. Only problem is that I have been forgetting to lift them to take them to work with me so they are really not doing anything for me. I am also a little worried about the effect they might have on my medication so although I was really into the idea when I bought them, I am now not so sure.

A good friend of mine has recently started working with one of those companies that sell all sorts of supplements, shakes and skincare stuff and was looking for some people to try their shakes for a week. I signed straight up! What the heck am I thinking? The plan is to have a shake for breakfast and lunch then eat a 600 calorie meal at night, you can have as much fruit and veg as you like as well.

It honestly sounds great, only breakfast is my favourite meal of the day, and the only one I eat reasonably consistently (not every day, but most days), I have no idea what a 600 calorie meal looks like and I don't eat a single fruit. I do eat four vegetables, but not on their own so that is no use either. What the heck? I am never going to be able to do this!

And this is without thinking about the taste/texture of the actual shakes, I have no idea what they are going to be like or if I will manage to even drink them in the first place. I have a feeling I may have bitten off more than I can chew here.

On the plus side, I guess it shows how serious I am about getting rid of this weight. I need to do something and it is only a week. If it doesn't work I guess I haven't lost much. I just hope that missing breakfast before work doesn't leave me hungry all day and affect my concentration because as a nurse, people's lives depend on my ability to concentrate and do my job safely and well.

I guess I have nothing to lose by giving it a try; except some unwanted weight that is!

How did I end up like this?

I guess a question most picky eaters like me ask themselves is how did I end up like this? or even why me?

I know its a question I often ask, I wonder why I am the way I am. I honestly think if I could figure out why I am the way I am, really find the root of the problem then maybe I could fix it.

I think about phobias and how they often start with a bad experience. I have never had a bad experience with food that either myself or my mother are aware of. I am not scared of food the way I would be if I had a phobia, other people's food doesn't bother me at all.

Was I just a fussy child that was allowed to get away with it? That's what the internet wants you to believe. Most articles about adult picky eaters will have at least a dozen comments along those lines, if it isn't the theme of the article itself that is. This is the hardest question to answer because I was never force fed anything as a child, never left sitting at the table with the same meal in front of me till I ate it the way some folks are. I never felt forced to eat things I didn't like so that would suggest I was allowed to get away with my fussiness. However I was always like this, at school, at home, at friends houses. Surely if it was just to get my own way I would have eaten those bloomin' potatoes in school so I could get outside to play, but I just couldn't they were a bizarre texture and I was always sitting in the lunch hall till lessons started again.

Lets just say for a minute that I was a fussy kid who was allowed to get away with being that way - then why as an adult cant I change? I desperately want to eat better, am at my wits end trying to lose weight and literally begging doctors for a solution I know they will never find. If I was just a fussy kid then why didn't I eat salad like my friends did when I was a teenager? Why did I refuse to go to events that involved food because I was too scared there would be nothing I could eat? I didn't choose to be this way.

Why does even the thought of some foods make me sick? Why did I once vomit because my hotdog had touched an onion and I could taste the offending onion even though there were no onions there? I just don't understand why I am like this, why me? I want so badly to change.

Need to do a food shop

Food shopping is something I struggle with, not necessarily because of my SED but because I just hate shopping. I hate the crowds and the waiting about, most of all I hate wondering around trying to find things that I just cant find.

This usually leads to me buying the same old stuff every time which does nothing to help my pitiful attempts at eating better. I buy foods I know are safe, foods I know I can eat and nothing else an while it might make sense to buy things I know I can eat what happens is I buy the same old junk week in week out.

I sometimes think its because I simply cant be bothered checking the ingredients of every single thing I buy, other times I think its because I am scared of trying things only not to like them and have to throw them away. I cant afford to throw food away, its as simple as that.

I am off on holiday just now and one of the things I promised I would do is cook and freeze some meals ready for going back to work. I managed to cook a slimming world meal last week (with a few minor variations) so I plan on making a massive pot of that and freezing it. I also like bolognaise so I will make a big pot of that too, I might make it in the slow cooker actually.

Other than those two dishes, I have no other meals planned. Perhaps I should work on my meal planning skills before I head out for my shopping. I did manage to find four slimming world recipes that I could adapt to make them edible, the only problem was they were all chicken based. I love chicken don't get me wrong, but I really don't want to eat nothing but chicken for weeks at a time.

I am going to go back to the website where I got the four recipes from to see if I can find some more meals that I can adapt to suit my impossible eating habits. This could take a while!

Going to give the doctor another try

I am on annual leave next week and I plan on trying to see the doctor. I say trying because it is about as difficult to get an appointment at my surgery as it is to get a lunch date with the queen but I will call and ask.

I have a few issues niggling away at me that I want to discuss with them. My weight is an obvious one and I am sure the subject of my picky eating will come up so I will try my best to explain it to them and not get frustrated when they don't understand.

I have a few other things that I want to get checked out but I have a feeling my weight will bear the brunt of the blame in their eyes. This time however, I can at least show them that I am trying to do something about it.

I may have gotten disillusioned for a while, you could maybe even say I gave up briefly but I have come to the realisation that I cannot let food control me any more.

I am back using the noom app on my phone and have found a pretty supportive group there and I have even found some slimming world recipes that I have been able to adapt in ways that mean I might eat them. I have only actually made one of them so far but do you know something? it was actually quite nice!

My partner has agreed to try to eat better too. He doesn't have a picky eating problem, in fact before we lived together he would eat everything and anything, apart from mushrooms. He does however have a problem where he eats junk when I eat junk, both of us have gotten lazy when it comes to food. We rely on the same old rubbish food time and time again because we know I will be able to eat it.

We have both realised that it will take the two of us working together to really make a change. I think it will be much easier with us both trying hard to think up and make healthier meals. I just have to trust him to cook for me, something I still struggle with even after all these years.

I just want to be accepted for who I am

I have said before that my picky eating doesn't really bother me, and for the most part it doesn't. There are a few exceptions though, one of which is when I have contact with health professionals.

I am a health professional myself and I cannot imagine being as judgemental about people's life choices as some are about my picky eating - and that's not even a choice! I mean take smoking as an example, its a choice some people make and it can, and often does lead to health problems. However health professionals seem to understand that smoking is an addiction and that while it can be overcome, its very difficult for the person to do that. Sure they offer advice to stop, but it usually ends there.

With my picky eating however its almost always 'you need to eat more vegetables' well sorry but I cant do that! I ate my first vegetable in my early 20's so as far as I am concerned, the four vegetables that I do occasionally eat are an improvement. I am not asking for a pat on the back for managing to eat four vegetables, I understand how ridiculous that would be. But I do expect people to try to understand.

I know that there is not a lot of information out there on selective eating disorder, and that most health professionals have never met someone like me. I understand and appreciate that. However I also remember a time when there was no support for people to stop smoking, there is now. Everything has to start somewhere, all I want is support, or even understanding.

I was at the nurse last week, she informs me that I have lost around 8 kilos since I seen her last year. She told me she was happy that I have lost something and that things seem to be heading in the right direction for me, she even said she was proud that I had managed to lose weight despite my limited diet which she understands a little.

The doctor on the other hand tells me I should consider seeing a dietician. I told her I have done that before and it didn't work out, all they did was try to get me to eat more vegetables. The doctor reliably informs me that the field of dietetics has come a long way since I was a child so I asked her 'well what will they do then? if it will help I will go' She tells me 'oh they will look at what you are eating and advise you on how to eat better' I swear its like she doesn't even hear me!

I told her that simply isn't possible for me, if it was as easy as simply being told whats good for me I would have been 'cured' a long time ago. I know I could lose all this weight no problem if I could eat nothing but salad for a few months, I cannot do that it is not possible! She then basically accused me of not being willing to try and I did something I have never done in my life before - I got up and walked out!

All I want is for her to understand how hard I actually am trying, and I am getting there, just very very slowly.

Braving the canteen

 

I am being forced to brave the canteen in the hospital tomorrow, and likely for the rest of the week. I came off nightshift yesterday and start back on days tomorrow. With the amount of things I have had to do today, I simply haven't had time to get to the supermarket to purchase my usual lunch supplies.

Truth be told I am starting to get a little bored of eating the same thing every day anyway, but I cant say I am looking forward to the canteen one bit.


Although I take my own lunch every day, we have to go to the canteen to eat so I get a chance to see the menu which has occasionally had things I would eat on it. However it has also had things like macaroni cheese with leek in it that even my normal eating colleagues said sounded more than a little strange. I love macaroni cheese, but I couldn't be within ten feet of a leek!

They do also sell pre-packed sandwiches, but whether there will be any I can eat or not I don't know. Surely they will have at least one plain sandwich? I can eat cheese, chicken or tuna on a sandwich and if I am really pushed I can tolerate ham although I would rather not. Surely there will be at least one of those?

I absolutely have to get something to eat, I couldn't work a twelve hour shift with nothing to eat all day. I guess worst case scenario there is a shop that sells some sandwiches and stuff, although its a well known, far too fancy for me chain of shops so I doubt I will be able to get anything there.

Looks like I am back to picking stuff out of my food again!

It has been a while

I haven't posted on my blog for ages, its not because I have given up or that I don't care, I have just been so busy with the move to the new hospital and other things going on. Food wise, not much has changed which means I haven't really had much to blog about.

I still eat the same thing every day at work for lunch, although I am starting to get a little fed up with it now. I plan to go shopping later on today and get some supplies to try and make a few different things that I can try.

They have finally put new microwaves in the canteen, while they are a good walk away from the ward, at least they are there. That should make a difference to what I can eat while at work, I just need to get organised at making stuff in advance the way I used to do before we moved to this new hospital.

The weight is steady, I haven't lost anymore as yet, but I haven't put any of what I had lost back on either. I haven't really had the time to go to the gym for the last few weeks but I hope to start back there next week once things have quietened down a little.

I am still struggling to eat more veggies, but I am definitely managing more than I was before. No new foods though which is maybe a little disappointing, but then I haven't really been putting the same effort in over the last few weeks as I had been before.

A great friend

I was in uni today for a few hours with a friend to get some last minute revision in for an exam we have coming up. We had agreed before hand that we would go for lunch after the revision session. I wasn't worried, the places we usually go to eat are places I know well enough to know that I can find something to eat.

We were just getting ready to leave when I asked her where she wanted to go for lunch, she turned to me and said 'You pick, I can eat anywhere but you can't. I am happy to go wherever suits you' I swear I could have cried.

It seems like such a silly thing I know but its honestly the first time anyone has ever said anything like that to me. Shown a real understanding of my problems and actually cared about them. She is a great friend indeed.

We went to an Italian place where we have gone a few times, they have a lunch deal where you get a starter and main. There is one of each I can eat and I actually don't even need to modify them in anyway, I just don't touch the dipping sauce. For someone like me to be able to go into a restaurant and order something off the regular menu without having to alter it, that's a big deal. The prices are pretty good too and the portions are big enough if you are hungry, but not so big that you are overwhelmed by the amount of food on your plate.

While we were there we started talking about the upcoming graduation ball. My friend asked if I knew what the meal was going to be and I said no. She knew I had asked them to contact me about dietary requirements (I wrote a post about it at the time) but they have yet to do so. She suggested I try and find out who to contact as £40 for a ticket and not to get anything to eat is ridiculous, plus it will be a long night to go hungry.

She asked what I usually do for things like that and I told her I just try to make it work and eat what I can of whatever they serve which usually involves picking stuff out, scraping stuff off or not eating at all. She said that was terrible and I really should be telling people about my dietary requirements ahead of time so that they could accommodate me. I pointed out that not everyone is as understanding as her and that I really don't like to make a fuss. She said she would be making a fuss if it was her, its not fair of people to expect me not to eat anything all night.

The thing is that people do not expect other people to have a problem like mine. No one expects me to be sitting there with nothing to eat, they expect me to eat what everyone else is eating. If only that were possible.

I eat the same thing for lunch every single day

I eat the same thing for lunch every single day at work now, with one minor variation. Every day I have two small rolls, the type that come already sliced, with turkey and mayo. Most days I have a slice of cheese but some days I don't.

I have eaten this every day since a week after I started at the new hospital and realised that eating in the canteen wasn't going to work out.  So why does that mean I need to eat the exact same thing every day? Well lots of reasons really.

Firstly  there are no microwaves, toasters or kettles in the wards of the new hospital, although we can get hot water from the ward kitchens or pay for it in the canteen (yes they charge nurses for hot water). There is one microwave in the canteen - one microwave for all those staff, so your chances of getting to use it and still have time to eat your food within your half hour break are slim to none. That leaves two choices - either pay a fortune for food that I may or may not be able to eat and wait ages in the queue to get it then ages in another queue to pay for it (there are two till points in the whole place) or bring in something that doesn't need heated.

My list of foods that don't need heated is a very small one. I can eat some cold meats but not many, I can eat ham but I spend ages cutting off the fatty bits and I simply don't have time to do that in the morning before I leave. I don't eat salad or anything else like that so that pretty much leaves me with turkey and/or cheese on a roll.

I don't get bored of my safe foods easily, but I have weeks and weeks left at the new hospital and I am sure I will get bored eventually, plus I am hoping to get a full time post there later in the year. I have to come up with a solution to my food problem, and I have no idea how I am going to do that.

I simply have to find something else to eat.

Great advice

I have been on nightshift the last few weeks which means I have my break by myself as we have to go one at a time since there are less people working nights than there are on days. This means I spend a lot of time reading nonsense on my phone.

I was going through my recommended stories on my google now app and an advice page popped up, not the type of thing I normally read, but the title had me interested. It was something along the lines of 'girlfriend eats like a toddler' and of course I immidiately identified with it.

I started reading, the man writing the letter was complaining that he is a chef and therefore loves to cook but the fact that his girlfriend only eats 'toddler food' as he described it, is putting him off. He acutally says in his letter that he doesn't think he can live with it much longer and is considering leaving her!

I was upset on this poor girls behalf, but my mood soon changed when I began reading the agony aunt's answer. She basically tore him a new one and even mentioned selective eating disorder. She explained to the letter writer a bit about what selective eating disorder is, the fact that it is a real problem and basically he needs to be more understanding. She also said that she has heard of some people with selective eating disorder having some success with cognative behavioural therapy (CBT). I dont think CBT is something I would be willing to try, but I am so happy to hear that some people are finding ways to get over this horrible disorder.

I also feel the need to point out that my partner is also a chef and we have had no such issues with my diet. He is more than happy to let me cook most of the time since he knows I prefer to cook my own meals so I am sure I know what's in them. As the years have gone on he has learned my preferences and I have learned to trust him to make certain meals for me. I guess its a give and take thing, I had to learn to trust him with food and he had to learn how to deal with my problems with food and what that means for cooking. I really am so lucky to have him.

The weight is coming off!

I was at the gym yesterday for the first time in a few weeks. I have just been so busy with being on placement, pulling extra hours that I owe to make sure I can graduate on time, writing an essay and studying for an exam all at the same time while still keeping up with regular things like shopping, cooking and the occasional few hours sleep.

I was genuinely worried that I was going to have put on all the weight I had lost and then some, since you don't exactly eat well when you are working all those hours and I eat terribly anyway. I had only lost two kilograms before starting that placement but it was something and I really, really hoped I had kept it off.

I was astounded when I looked at the scales in the gym to find that not only had I kept off my two kilos, I had lost another four! I cannot tell you how happy I am right now.

Buffets are not alwasy a picky eater's friend

I wrote a post a while back about how buffets can sometimes be a picky eater's best friend, and I stand by that. Sometimes buffets are great because they allow you to pick and choose what you put on your plate and no one really thinks twice about what you are eating.

However that relies on there being things that you can eat, which usually for me there are. However I was at a party last night where they had quite a fancy buffet. I honestly didn't even know what half the stuff was.

I was able to find a giant plate of sausage rolls and figured I would just grab a handful of those which I did. I ate one and it was actually really nice, I bit into my second and panic set in. This was not a sausage roll but one of those cheese and onion ones that pretend to be sausage rolls. Someone had mixed them into one plate and there was no obvious way to tell them apart.

I have slipped back into bad habits

With being on placement and working three or four twelve hour shifts every week for the last eight weeks while trying to write an essay, study for an exam and do my best to help out my sick mother I have slipped into my bad habits again recently.

Its really difficult for me when I am working these shifts, so little of what I eat is portable and reheatable. I guess I need to try harder if I am being honest but all I have eaten for the last eight weeks is the same three or four pasta dishes over and over again. I have three ready meals I can tolerate so I just have to rotate them, or eat toast while at work.

It is really depressing, everyone in the staff room has lovely looking salads or fruit and I have basically the same thing every day. Porridge or toast for breakfast break and one of these stupid pasta things for lunch. I don't even really like the pasta things if I am honest, but it something I know I will be able to eat since its not like I have any way to get an alternative if I don't like something.

A trip to the dentist means I will be hungry for a few days

After having surgery on my wisdom tooth a few months ago I realised that there are very few foods that I eat which are soft enough to be eaten after such a procedure.

Today I had another wisdom tooth pulled, although I had it pulled in the regular fashion rather than the surgery I had to have last time to remove just part of it. I am hoping this will mean a quicker recovery than last time.

I also had some work done on an old filling but since that tooth has no nerve I don't expect any problems with that one.

I am in a decent amount of pain despite taking the strong painkillers I take for my back. I cant take anti-inflammatories till at least tomorrow because its still bleeding a little and they thin your blood. I hope by tomorrow it stops bleeding and I am able to take my mega-strong anti-inflammatories because that would hopefully allow me to eat something.

Losing the battle

I have not updated the blog for a while, partly because I have been really busy offline but mostly because I really have nothing to say.

When I started this blog I intended to help educate people about selective eating disorder and write about my struggle to try and eat healthier. Recently I have not been doing well.

The amount of hours I am working just now while also trying to write an essay and study for an exam are making planning and cooking ahead of time very difficult and I have slipped back into the habit of eating the same things over and over again because I know they are safe.

This is not how I want to be. I don't want to eat the same unhealthy junk every day, I want so badly to be healthy, or at least healthier. I accept my limitations and I know my diet will never be completely healthy but I honestly thought I could improve and I have been trying so hard.

Do you have any dietary requirements?

This was one of the questions on the form for booking tickets to my graduation ball in November. Thankfully I have taken charge of booking my table's tickets or I would never have known about this box.

I simply entered 'would appreciate a call/email to discuss' I mean how on earth am I supposed to explain my food issues in a tiny box?

Normally I don't bother, I just eat what I can of whatever arrives and leave the rest but the tickets are costing a fortune and its an all night event where I doubt I will have a chance to sneak out for alternative food. Since I am paying a fortune for the tickets, I feel I am entitled to at least make sure there is something I can eat.

I have no idea if they will even bother to call me, and if they do I have no idea what on earth I am going to say. I have only ever been to one black tie event before in my life and I was given no option of what to eat. It was one of those fancy five course things and I still remember that the starter was salmon mouse which I couldn't even look at. I don't like salmon let alone salmon that's blended up to the point where it resembles baby food! The main was chicken which was actually edible but then gave the whole office food poisoning and the pudding was something weird and wonderful that I didn't even taste. I have no idea what the other courses were but I am guessing I didn't eat them.

I am hoping that they do call and that when they do I will be able to ask them what the planned meal is, that way I will be able to decide if its edible or not and what I can do to modify it. I think that would be better than trying to list all the things I can and can't eat.

I need to try and plan better for work

Being on four nightshifts this week has made me realise that I really need to plan my meals better for work. Where I am is nowhere near the canteen, not that being near the canteen makes a huge difference - hospital canteen food is usually barely edible to me anyway. So I need to take my own food in with me. I have access to a microwave and toaster in work which helps a lot since there are not many cold foods that I can actually eat.

The problem is that there are just not many foods I can eat that can be taken to work for lunch, its not easy to take a full meal in, heat it up and eat it within half an hour. Most people bring sandwiches or snack type foods, the rest bring ready meals.

There are only two ready meals I know of that I can eat and I don't just want to eat the same two meals over and over again. I need to get more organised, especially if I want to stick to my healthier eating plan. I am going to make a shopping list tonight and stick to it when I go to the supermarket tomorrow.

I also haven't been to the gym this week which isn't making me feel too good about myself, but I just haven't had time with the four back to back nightshifts. I will try and fit in a wee hour or so in the gym tomorrow as well if I can, I will also check my weight. In theory I should have lost some weight since I have been so much more active over the last two weeks running about a massive hospital ward. However I don't think that will be the case, I have never lost weight on a placement, mostly because all I can eat when I am there is toast and junk food.

I also plan to spend some time tomorrow coming up with ideas for more informative blog posts. When I started this blog my intention was to try and convey how difficult it is for someone like me. How difficult it is to cope with social engagements that involve food, how hard it is to eat on the go, and how much of a struggle it is to lose weight. I wanted to tell people what selective disorder is and what it is really like to suffer from it, I also wanted to help people who are dealing with the same thing or have children who are. I feel all I have done recently is babble on about my own struggle, which was a part of what I had planned to do as I think it demonstrates how hard life can be with an eating disorder like mine, but that was never intended to be the blogs main purpose.

Perhaps it would help me to have some questions, so if you have any please leave a comment below and I will do my best to answer them in my next post.

Should I hide vegetables in my child's food?

This is probably the question asked the most in my picky eaters group. Parents are often terrified that because their child won't eat vegetables they will be really unhealthy or even become ill. They are often so terrified of the concept of a child that doesn't eat vegetables that they consider trying to hide them in their child's food.

If you are in the UK like me, you might have seen a government sponsored advert advocating the hiding of vegetables in a pasta sauce in order to trick children into eating them. I can honestly say that had this been done to me, I would have never eaten pasta sauce again. Actually I never ate any sort of pasta sauce until my late teens, but that's not the point here. The point is that I would have known that the vegetables were there, no matter how well hidden mum thought they were, and it would have made me unable to eat the sauce again as I would always associate it with having the veg in. or worse it would have made me not trust my mother promising me that there were none there this time round because she would have lied about it the first time.

For picky eaters like me, trusting the people preparing your food is a huge deal. A really huge deal.

Anyway back to the original question, the answer depends on if you think your child is just being fussy the way a lot of children are, or if you think your child has selective eating disorder like me. If your child is just being fussy as a phase that a lot of children go through then you might be able to hide vegetables in their food and they might eat them without noticing them, or even if they do notice them they are unlikely to be traumatised by the experience. However if your child has selective eating disorder, they will absolutely find the hidden vegetables, refuse to eat them (and probably never eat whatever you hid them in again either) and possibly be traumatised by the experience. Their trust in your ability to prepare their food in a way that is safe for them, without tricking them will likely be severely damaged too.

I guess the natural follow up question is how do you tell if your child is just going through a fussy phase or if they have an actual problem with food? This question is near impossible to answer I am afraid, but I can tell you about some traits most of us with selective eating disorder have or had as a child which might help you tell the difference.

Most of us exclude whole food groups rather than just one or two particular foods. The most common seem to be fruits, vegetables and seafood. Its as if these food groups are excluded on some sort of principle rather than because of a genuine dislike for the foods in question. We also don't need to taste a food to know we don't like it, I cant explain it and I have no idea why but every picky eater I have ever met has a long list of foods that they have never tasted but simply find offensive for some reason.

I could never imagine putting seafood in my mouth, and I have lived beside the sea my whole life until two years ago. I have seen the fishing boats going to catch the stuff, I have even helped prepare it (yes I know how to gut a fish). I have heard tourists go on and on about how wonderful this fresh seafood is and how much better it tastes than the stuff you get in the city. To me it just isn't food, even with all this knowledge about how great it is. Shellfish in particular are a problem for me, it all looks so slimy and squishy it just doesn't look like something I would want to eat. Although I have eaten the occasional piece of fish in my life I have never eaten a shellfish and I highly doubt I ever will.

Another strange thing is that although I can eat fish (I really prefer not to though) I could never eat a fish I had caught myself or that I had seen being caught. That's why I stopped going fishing as a teenager. My friends and I used to go fishing every weekend, its just one of those things kids do when you grow up by the sea but I never took any of my fish home. If they were still alive I put them back in the water if not I gave them to one of my friends to take home. I guess its something to do with seeing the fish as a fish, rather than as food.

The smell of some foods bothers some of us, some people can't be in the same room as certain foods. Personally the only food I cant stand the smell of is cabbage and I actually think that has a lot more to do with my mother's complete love of the stuff than my eating disorder. Growing up my house often smelled of cabbage when I came home from school - mum was a big fan of the cabbage soup diet. However many people with selective eating disorder have a whole range of foods they simply can't stand to smell.

I guess if you are trying to figure out if your child is just being fussy or if there might be more to it you have to use your best judgement and try and decide what your child's attitude towards food are. A child with selective eating disorder will have a real aversion to certain food groups and refuse point blank to even try them, no matter how much you beg or even bribe them. They might also get quite upset by the idea of eating certain foods or even having some foods near them. Characteristically selective eaters will tell you they don't like foods without even tasting them.

I am not a parent so I do not feel like I have the right to advise parents on how to raise their children but I can tell you that I had a really positive experience with food growing up and what my mother did to make me feel that way.

She never forced me to eat anything I wasn't comfortable with, she did encourage me but she was never forceful and she certainly never hid foods that I wouldn't eat in foods that I would. I honestly believe that the reason I am even able to consider trying to expand my diet now is because my mother was so good about my food issues.

Trying new foods was never made a negative experience, sure there were a few things I tried that I couldn't eat over the years but that was always ok, I was allowed to not eat the rest of whatever it was. I think because mum encouraged me to taste things but didn't make a big deal out of it if I wasn't able to actually eat the thing, I was able to try some new things. It was always difficult for me to bring myself to try a new food and I admit I haven't tried many over the years but I have tried some and I have added a few things to my diet.

My goal for the weekend

I have decided to set myself smaller goals to help me towards my healthier eating and weight-loss goals. The idea is that by breaking it down into smaller goals they will seem more achievable and I will hopefully be happily celebrating many of these small goals on my way to my big goal of getting my weight down to the point where I can pass my fitness test for the Army.

I am off all weekend, I don't start back till nightshift Monday night so I have two whole days off in a row. I plan on using that time to try and get to grips with something I am really bad at - meal planning.

I struggle with meal planning in part because I am just not very well organised a lot of the time and in part because of my eating disorder. Sometimes even foods that are a favourite will just be inedible to me for some reason, I have no idea why this is but I do know its common in people with Selective Eating Disorder.

That makes it very difficult for me to plan my meals ahead of time, what if the meal I have planned for tomorrow seems inedible to me when tomorrow actually comes around? So I have come up with a workaround for this. What I plan on doing is making a variety (or as much variety as someone like me can have) of lunches and dinners up over the weekend that can be frozen and reheated in a microwave since that's what I have in work. I can also plan some other quick to cook meals for when I don't fancy any of the frozen things but don't have a lot of time to cook which is often my problem while I am on placement.

I won't plan what days the food is to be eaten on or anything like that, I will just plan some meals to cook ahead of time and then I can just choose from those meals throughout the week. I have one of those keep cool lunch bags somewhere that will stop my frozen food from making a mess in my bag as it defrosts, I just need to find it.

This coming week I am working four nightshifts in a row which makes my meal schedule more than a little odd but I still think planning ahead of time is possible. My meals may be eaten at strange times, but that doesn't mean I cant plan them ahead of time.

Planning my meals will have a few benefits, first it will save me time which is something I really need to do on a week that involves four nightshifts. Secondly it will allow me to stick to my healthier eating a little bit better than I have done this week since I was so disorganised. Lastly I also think I might save money since buying pre-made meals is always more expensive, and I wont waste as much food since I will only buy what I need to make the meals I have planned. I will also have a shopping list to stick to which will stop me buying things I really don't need or cant use.

I am going to start by making a list of meals I can eat which are freezer safe, if I can buy the ingredients for those tomorrow I can start the cooking tomorrow night leaving Sunday free to cook the non-freezer stuff. I already have a reasonably well stocked fridge so I might even be able to start cooking with what I already have.

I haven't really planned my goal-setting any further ahead than this but I think I will make meal planning my short-term goal until I get the hang of it and it becomes a regular thing.