Back to the gym

I started back at the gym last night. It has been ages since I have been there. I got so disheartened with not losing any weight, then I took ill and it was the perfect excuse to stop going for a while.

I am getting pretty much nowhere with trying to change my diet, and absolutely nowhere with losing weight. In fact according to my scales, I have put three of the kilograms I lost back on recently. I am still under the weight I was when I first started on this journey by five kilos but putting anything back on still feels bad.

The good news is that I finally got a date for my ultrasound scan to see what is going on with this gallbladder. My bloods all came back ok so my own doctor is a little confused by the whole thing but I am sure that is what it is because sometimes when I eat I am in agony afterwords which is classic of a problem gallbladder.

What is not classic of a problem gallbladder is that the foods that set it off aren't always the same. For example on the rare occasion I go to the works canteen I will always get macaroni cheese if it is available because it's about the only hot thing I can eat that they make. I have had this at work several times since the gallbladder became a problem. Since I finished my old job off a nightshift on Sunday morning and started my new job on a dayshift Monday, I have had no time to go to the supermarket in between so have relied on the canteen this past week. For the most part this is a nightmare for me, but old faithful macaroni cheese was one of the choices on Tuesday so I got that. The pain was immediate, I hadn't even finished eating and I was in agony which lasted for three days!

I need to lose weight, I need to eat better.

I simply don't know what to do. I have even considered contacting an eating disorders charity based in the city, their website lists both SED and ARFID as disorders they are familiar with. I don't know what, if any help they could give me. There really isn't any help out there but I definitely do need help. If only I knew how to get it.

How did I end up like this?

I guess a question most picky eaters like me ask themselves is how did I end up like this? or even why me?

I know its a question I often ask, I wonder why I am the way I am. I honestly think if I could figure out why I am the way I am, really find the root of the problem then maybe I could fix it.

I think about phobias and how they often start with a bad experience. I have never had a bad experience with food that either myself or my mother are aware of. I am not scared of food the way I would be if I had a phobia, other people's food doesn't bother me at all.

Was I just a fussy child that was allowed to get away with it? That's what the internet wants you to believe. Most articles about adult picky eaters will have at least a dozen comments along those lines, if it isn't the theme of the article itself that is. This is the hardest question to answer because I was never force fed anything as a child, never left sitting at the table with the same meal in front of me till I ate it the way some folks are. I never felt forced to eat things I didn't like so that would suggest I was allowed to get away with my fussiness. However I was always like this, at school, at home, at friends houses. Surely if it was just to get my own way I would have eaten those bloomin' potatoes in school so I could get outside to play, but I just couldn't they were a bizarre texture and I was always sitting in the lunch hall till lessons started again.

Lets just say for a minute that I was a fussy kid who was allowed to get away with being that way - then why as an adult cant I change? I desperately want to eat better, am at my wits end trying to lose weight and literally begging doctors for a solution I know they will never find. If I was just a fussy kid then why didn't I eat salad like my friends did when I was a teenager? Why did I refuse to go to events that involved food because I was too scared there would be nothing I could eat? I didn't choose to be this way.

Why does even the thought of some foods make me sick? Why did I once vomit because my hotdog had touched an onion and I could taste the offending onion even though there were no onions there? I just don't understand why I am like this, why me? I want so badly to change.

Going to give the doctor another try

I am on annual leave next week and I plan on trying to see the doctor. I say trying because it is about as difficult to get an appointment at my surgery as it is to get a lunch date with the queen but I will call and ask.

I have a few issues niggling away at me that I want to discuss with them. My weight is an obvious one and I am sure the subject of my picky eating will come up so I will try my best to explain it to them and not get frustrated when they don't understand.

I have a few other things that I want to get checked out but I have a feeling my weight will bear the brunt of the blame in their eyes. This time however, I can at least show them that I am trying to do something about it.

I may have gotten disillusioned for a while, you could maybe even say I gave up briefly but I have come to the realisation that I cannot let food control me any more.

I am back using the noom app on my phone and have found a pretty supportive group there and I have even found some slimming world recipes that I have been able to adapt in ways that mean I might eat them. I have only actually made one of them so far but do you know something? it was actually quite nice!

My partner has agreed to try to eat better too. He doesn't have a picky eating problem, in fact before we lived together he would eat everything and anything, apart from mushrooms. He does however have a problem where he eats junk when I eat junk, both of us have gotten lazy when it comes to food. We rely on the same old rubbish food time and time again because we know I will be able to eat it.

We have both realised that it will take the two of us working together to really make a change. I think it will be much easier with us both trying hard to think up and make healthier meals. I just have to trust him to cook for me, something I still struggle with even after all these years.

A great friend

I was in uni today for a few hours with a friend to get some last minute revision in for an exam we have coming up. We had agreed before hand that we would go for lunch after the revision session. I wasn't worried, the places we usually go to eat are places I know well enough to know that I can find something to eat.

We were just getting ready to leave when I asked her where she wanted to go for lunch, she turned to me and said 'You pick, I can eat anywhere but you can't. I am happy to go wherever suits you' I swear I could have cried.

It seems like such a silly thing I know but its honestly the first time anyone has ever said anything like that to me. Shown a real understanding of my problems and actually cared about them. She is a great friend indeed.

We went to an Italian place where we have gone a few times, they have a lunch deal where you get a starter and main. There is one of each I can eat and I actually don't even need to modify them in anyway, I just don't touch the dipping sauce. For someone like me to be able to go into a restaurant and order something off the regular menu without having to alter it, that's a big deal. The prices are pretty good too and the portions are big enough if you are hungry, but not so big that you are overwhelmed by the amount of food on your plate.

While we were there we started talking about the upcoming graduation ball. My friend asked if I knew what the meal was going to be and I said no. She knew I had asked them to contact me about dietary requirements (I wrote a post about it at the time) but they have yet to do so. She suggested I try and find out who to contact as £40 for a ticket and not to get anything to eat is ridiculous, plus it will be a long night to go hungry.

She asked what I usually do for things like that and I told her I just try to make it work and eat what I can of whatever they serve which usually involves picking stuff out, scraping stuff off or not eating at all. She said that was terrible and I really should be telling people about my dietary requirements ahead of time so that they could accommodate me. I pointed out that not everyone is as understanding as her and that I really don't like to make a fuss. She said she would be making a fuss if it was her, its not fair of people to expect me not to eat anything all night.

The thing is that people do not expect other people to have a problem like mine. No one expects me to be sitting there with nothing to eat, they expect me to eat what everyone else is eating. If only that were possible.

I tried a new food - it didn't work out

As I said in a few of my earlier posts, I am really struggling to find food that I can take to work with me. I tend to take the same few things over and over again and none of them are healthy.

I went to the supermarket today, and decided to try one of their pre-made pastas, the ones you just eat cold out of the tub. I have only tried one such thing before and I didn't like it but this one seemed like something I would like, just pasta, chicken, bacon and mayonnaise.

I checked the ingredients to make sure there would be no nasty surprises like onions and decided to buy two. The reasoning being that I could try one today and if I liked it then I could have it for dinner on nightshift tomorrow night. I came home, put the shopping away and sat down with my pasta.

I actually wasn't worried about it at all, I knew I liked everything in it and I have had some success with trying new foods which are combinations of foods I know I like. I figured this would also be a success and put a tiny piece of pasta in my mouth.

It tasted horrible, like onions. I have no idea how it tasted like onions because I made sure there was none in there but that's what it tasted like. I immediately had to spit it out and I kept heaving like I was going to throw up. Luckily I had a glass of pepsi max to hand and I was able to wash away the taste before I was actually sick but I haven't been able to eat anything else all day. Since I hadn't had anything before that either that means I have had nothing to eat all day.

If you ask me that's a big part of the reason I cant lose weight, all the experts these days say you need to eat regularly to lose weight - at least three meals a day. I could count on one hand the amount of times I eat three meals a day, sometimes when I am working I may eat three times but I certainly wouldn't call them meals. When I am at home I sometimes manage twice a day but often only once.

I still see today as a sort of accomplishment because I wasn't too scared to try this new food, I just wish I had been able to like or even just tolerate it.

Thankfully I am all to used to not liking things and I have a back up plan in place. I have my dinner for tomorrow night cooking away in my slow cooker as I type, perhaps I will even manage something small to eat before bed.

This article just really upset me

I was doing a bit of research, partly for blog post ideas and partly because I like to look for stories of how people have overcame their picky eating (these stories are few and far between) or how they have managed to lose weight in spite of their issues.

I came across this article https://munchies.vice.com/articles/i-infiltrated-the-online-community-of-adult-picky-eaters The title made me think that the article might be poking fun at people like me and I decided to give it a look over and see what it was saying. I am not against contacting the owner of a site and putting them straight, in fact I did so recently where a TV company had written a 'factsheet' on Selective Eating Disorder. They had used a really inappropriate image for the article and many of their facts were incorrect so I emailed them to let them know. They didn't change the facts, but they did change the image.

Anyway back to the article we are actually talking about here. The article itself was actually in no way upsetting, I actually think it did a reasonably good job of explaining picky eating, online support groups and how important they are to people like me. The comments were what I found upsetting.

The site the article is published on has a policy of not censoring comments. Their policy is none of my business but it wouldn't be the way I would go. After all as site/blog owners its up to us to make sure the content of our site/blog is not offensive or illegal, whether we wrote it or not. Their unwillingness to moderate comments means that this article is full of comments that are really offensive to picky eaters like me.

I have a thick skin, always been that way. Something to do with being an only child, growing up in a very small town and working in a pub for a little short of a decade I think. However even I was a little upset by some of the comments on this particular article.

There are a lot of the usual 'these people are like that because their parents let them away with being fussy as a kid' and 'if you were mine I would have just kept putting the same meal down over and over again, you would have gotten hungry enough to eat it eventually' type of comments. Those really don't bother me that much, I have heard them all before and a whole lot worse.

The ones that bother me are the ones where people like me are actually being verbally attacked for being the way we are. One particularly vile commenter also asks the person above them if they also wet the bed and still live with their mum, calling their behaviour childish. All the person had done to warrant this 200 word plus rant was point out that putting the same food down to them time and time again hadn't worked for them.

I just don't understand why people can't be a little more respectful to others. I know that people like me have eating habits that others don't understand but what I don't get is why we attract such vile hatred from people. No one would ever attack a person with anorexia or bulimia in the way they attack people with selective eating disorder.

I understand that it's because selective eating disorder or avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder as its now medically known isn't as well known as other eating disorders. In fact here in the UK if you were able to get a diagnosis it would likely be 'eating disorder not otherwise specified' but that doesn't give people the right to attack us. Just because our disorder is not as well known as other eating disorders doesn't mean its any less real.

I just wish that people would take just a minute to think about what we actually go through. I don't doubt for a second that every single person with selective eating disorder would do anything to just have a 'normal' diet. Many people have tried everything from hypnotherapy to exposure therapy, which by the way is very distressing for someone like me, in the hope that something will help.

If you don't understand what we go through then I invite you to do some reading, this is a great blog: www.mealtimehostage.com and actually the page I visited that first made me realise that there were actually other people like me out there. If you don't want to read about it then ask us a question, most of us are more than happy to share our experience to try and better the understanding of our disorder.

If you don't want to do any of those things that's fair enough but remember the old saying 'if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing' and please just leave us alone. We struggle more than enough daily without vile insults on the internet being directed at us. We know all the things you are going to tell us already - we have an unhealthy diet. We are fully aware of that and people online pointing it out over and over again does nothing to help us.

For the selective eaters reading this I encourage you to read the meal time hostage blog and even join one of the many online support groups. They are safe places for people like us where we can discuss our struggles without anyone firing insults at us.

Buffets: They can be a picky eater's friend

I know many of my fellow picky eaters shy away from social occasions that involve food. I have to say that this is something that's not usually a problem for me. I am very lucky that I can usually find something I can eat on a menu just about anywhere, if not I am not shy about asking if there is any way something can be modified to make it edible for me. Most places I go I find are very understanding, although I know many others who have had many less positive experiences.

I also know that a lot of picky eaters get a little worried when a buffet is the order of the day. I hope that this post will show you why a buffet can be your best friend if you are a picky eater.

The reason is simple, no one notices what you eat and there is usually a large variety of foods to choose from. Today at my final day of university party we had a buffet which to be fair I did help organise so I did have a degree of control over the food which helped. However even without having control over what's there, there are several things that tend to be a staple part of the buffet table which are picky eater friendly.

There are almost always sandwiches, some might be edible to you. Today there were no sandwiches I could eat, someone else organised them. Mini sausage rolls are usually picky eater friendly - just make sure they are not actually cheese and onion ones in disguise! Those mini cocktail sausages, those are my favourite and there is usually a variety of crisps and nibbly things. All you have to do is find one or two of those things you can eat and put them on your plate, then start talking to the people around you. Everyone gets so caught up in the chatting and the party atmosphere that they don't notice what is or isn't on your plate.

Someone will inevitably come round with a bin bag at some point to collect rubbish and you can easily throw in your plate with any uneaten food on it into the bag. No one has noticed what you haven't eaten or the limited amount of foods that were on your plate in the first place.

Today I had one slice of cheese pizza a few sausage rolls and some of those mini sausages that I love. No one noticed that I had no sandwiches or other stuff on there, everyone was too busy talking and enjoying what is likely the last time some of us will see each other. I love a buffet, it really does save me worrying about what I can and cant eat at a party. I much prefer it to being served a random meal that I may or may not be able to eat.

Don't get me wrong, I have had bad experiences at buffets too. In my experience the more fancy people try to be with it, the less I can eat. If people make their own sandwiches, chances are there will be a plain cheese one or something like that. If they buy them from a posh shop there will be salad on all of them and they will all have weird combinations like savoury cheese with which has all sorts of weird bits in it or chicken with raisins in it. I mean who the heck eats chicken and raisins together?

Posh buffets will have weird things in pastry cases whereas the ones people do themselves usually have sausage rolls and mini sausages.  I much prefer a home-made buffet, usually because it will have more plain, simple foods. Although you are taking your chances with someone else's cooking!

Starting my weight-loss journey

Perhaps I should say I am restarting my weight-loss journey, because it is certainly not the first time I have tried. I do think this is the most dedicated to weight-loss I have been though and I am hoping this dedication will help me succeed this time.

 

I am using an app on my smartphone called Noom, I have used the free version of this app before and found it really easy to use but I have decided to opt for the paid version at least for a while so I signed up to a three month subscription. You can read more about the Noom app here: http://us.noom.com/ its available for iPhone and android.

 

I don't want to turn this post into a review of the app (although I may do that later) but I do want to point out the things it does well that makes it suitable for people with a limited diet like myself.

 

You are not actually forced to change your diet drastically, Noom works by calorie counting and using what's called 'volumetrics' to decide which foods you should eat more of and which foods you should use less of. It uses a handy traffic light system to help you see the good and bad foods you eat. Volumetrics is about how much the calories actually fill you up so something which is a green food may not necessarily have less calories than a red food, but those calories will make you feel full longer, in theory making you eat less.

 

Although Noom counts calories you actually don't have to count them often. The app has a great database of foods which have all the calories listed, you simply input what you ate and Noom tells you the calories and if its a green, red or amber food, although being honest the new version of the app is not as god at this as the old version, the display was better in the older one and it was easier to see if you had eaten green foods or not. If a food is not listed in their database you can easily add it and it even has a handy barcode scanner, although I am yet to actually get this to work.

 

I also went to the supermarket and had a browse round the shelves trying to work out what I can eat that is at least a little healthy. I left with the ingredients to make a chicken and mushroom risotto which I think will be a green food since rice is filling and it has one vegetable in it. I also picked up some mince and carrots which I will have tomorrow, although I forgot to grab potatoes which I will have to get on the way home tomorrow.

 

yesterday I was in the gym for an hour which according to Noom burned only 200 calories, I think I may have entered the information wrong as that doesn't seem like enough. I will take more care with it next time. Noom also has a built in pedometer as well as a separate pedometer app, I am unsure if you need to have both - one to count the steps and then transfer them into the app, or if just having the regular app would be enough. I have only taken 1864 steps today and my target is 8000. Your step target can go up and down depending on what you eat and your calorie allowance can change in relation to your exercise.

 

My big worry is university tomorrow, there is literally only a few things I can eat, none of which are likely to be green, or even amber foods. I know that the sensible option is to take something with me but I don't actually eat that many cold foods and there are no facilities to heat anything up. At least I only have two weeks left of classes before I start placement again where I will have access to a microwave and a toaster, not much but its something.

 

This weight-loss thing is not going to be easy, but I am determined.

It is a real eating disorder

I think the thing that annoys me most about my issues with food is the fact that people don't think that it's a 'real' problem. People seem to think I am just being fussy and that being a picky eater couldn't possibly be any sort of illness.

 

Truth be told, I have an eating disorder. It is newly recognised, and much more so in America than here in the UK but it is a real disorder. The medical term being used now is Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), I don't personally like the term. I don't feel that I avoid food as such and I don't restrict my intake of food either, I am just limited in the foods I like. To me that definition seems like its a decision to avoid foods and that's not the case at all.

 

I prefer the term Selective Eating Disorder (SED), although many people like me don't like the use of the word 'selective' as it's certainly not something we choose, I personally feel that it fits me better than ARFID because I honestly don't feel like I avoid food. Although anyone who has ever been out to eat with me would likely tell you that I do in fact avoid certain foods. I prefer to think of myself as selective about the foods I eat, all be it not through choice on my part. This article is great at explaining what SED is http://www.livescience.com/10301-adult-picky-eaters-recognized-disorder.html and it talks a little about the studies that are being done in to the disorder, mostly at Duke university. It also talks a little about the super tasters theory that I mentioned earlier.

 

Over here in the UK it is harder to get a diagnosis, although research is being done on the subject. I have participated in some research recently and I know that the researchers are determined to get SED or ARFID recognised better over here. Just now, if you can get a doctor to believe you have an eating disorder at all, you are likely to be diagnosed with what they call 'Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified' or EDNOS. This article, also from live science explains what EDNOS is and why being diagnosed with one is not always a good thing: http://www.livescience.com/6501-eating-disorders-untreated-experts-debate-definitions.html 

 

Being honest, I don't know how important a diagnosis is to me. I know I have a problem with food and in a way I don't mind if other people don't understand that. I would however like the medical community to understand a little better, there is simply no use in telling me I need to go on a diet to lose weight, it simply cant happen. I don't feel like I need a name for it or anything, it's not like I need a name to validate it to me, but I think the medical profession does. They cant take it seriously if it's not a real thing and if it doesn't have a name then its not a real thing to them.

 

What I do know is that the day I found out that Selective Eating Disorder was actually a real thing changed my life. I had no idea that there was a name for my issues, and I had no idea that there were others like me, some a lot worse. I will save the story of that day for another post, but believe me I have come such a long way since that day.

The problem with food

I think now is a good time to try and explain exactly what the problem with food is. I am not sure if this is something I can really explain but I will try my best.

It's a lot more than just being fussy and its definitely not about parents just 'letting me away' with not eating vegetables. I don't know what the exact problem is but I have a real proper aversion to certain foods. Some its the smell, I cant stand the way some foods smell, therefore I don't think I like how they taste, therefore I wont eat them. it doesn't matter if I have actually tasted the food in question or not.

Other times its texture. Texture issues are common in people with selective eating disorder. I don't like the way some foods feel in my mouth, or even how I think they would feel. Take tomatoes as an example, I have never eaten an actual tomato, they look like they would feel squishy and weird and I cant bring myself to try them. However I can eat tinned tomatoes, provided they are blended so there are no lumps, therefore it stands to reason that I like the flavour of tomatoes but yet I cant bring myself to eat one.

The thing is that I understand that this makes no sense, I know its weird and definitely not right. I just cant bring myself to eat a tomato, the thought of it makes me feel a little sick. I am fully aware that my food issues are completely irrational, but it doesn't make them any less real. Many foods make me sick, I have physically vomited because my food had touched an onion and I could taste the onion flavour on it despite there being no actual onions in my food.

There are many foods I have never tasted, and many that I probably never will. However my ability to try things has actually improved a whole lot over the last few years. It started with simply eating different combinations of things I know I like, and this is something I have become quite comfortable with. I no longer necessarily need to know that I like the actual dish, just that I like everything that is in it. I know that probably doesn't sound like that much of an achievement to most people, but to someone who had rarely eaten an unfamiliar food till they were in their 20's its a huge achievement. I used to have to recognise and know I liked the actual dish, which led to me mostly eating macaroni and cheese or a cheeseburger every time I ate out. Those were two things I knew I could eat, and I knew would be as I recognised them, there would be no surprises so I was ok with it. Now I could for talks sake eat a pasta with chicken and a cream sauce because I like all those things so it stands to reason that I would like the finished dish. I am still nervous trying a new dish, but not terrified to the point where I wont do it like I used to be.

I have also added four vegetables to my diet, well I guess I regained one. I used to eat tinned carrots as a child but stopped for some reason before I was ten, I now can eat carrots tinned or not. I also eat broccoli, parsnips and mushrooms. However I am very particular about how they are cooked, broccoli and carrots have to be cooked till soft, really soft and parsnips need to be boiled then oven roasted, mushrooms have to be well fried and  can only eat them in the same mouthful as certain other foods. If I am having mushrooms with my chicken for talks sake, and I finish the chicken before I finish the mushrooms, I cant eat the rest of the mushrooms because they are too weird on their own. They have a weird texture that is sort of hidden by eating them in the same bite as something else. I eat all my veg in the same bite as something else, I can't eat any of them on my own.

I still eat no fruit, and I honestly don't know that I ever will. Unlike vegetables, I cant really hide them in the same bite as other foods. I tried to eat an apple once, but it didn't work out it was all hard but somehow still soft after I bit into it and it was also really sweet tasting and I don't really like sweet things all that much. I was proud of myself for trying though, its not an easy thing for me to do.

I would love to eat more healthily, especially since I have started to really struggle with my weight again. Believe me if I could change my diet I would, but  I am resigned to the fact that I will never have a normal diet. I can make changes though, just changing the way some things are cooked can make them at least a little healthier. That is what I have been trying to do, I have been looking at the foods I do eat and trying to figure out what I can do to make them a little less unhealthy.

I am also trying to take my own food to university and work for lunch, that way its slightly healthier than the junk food that I can eat in the uni/work canteens which is usually something incredibly unhealthy like a burger and/or chips. The problem is that in uni, there is no way to heat anything up and I don't really eat any cold food other than sandwiches which to be honest I don't really love but can tolerate if I need to. In work I have access to a microwave and toaster so I try and make something ahead of time that can be reheated in the microwave and for breakfast I will have toast (I work 12 hour shifts so we usually have breakfast and lunch breaks).

I hope I have at least given you a little insight into what my problem is with food, its a really hard thing for me to explain because to be honest, I don't understand it myself.

I am an adult picky eater

I am an adult picky eater, I have been picky all my life. Literally since I was born I would be sick every time I was fed, my diet is still pretty restrictive.

There are a few terms for it, the one I identify most with is Selective Eating Disorder (SED). some of the other definitions talk about avoiding food and it causing weight loss which is not my experience, or that of many other picky eaters I have had contact with over the years.

I don't know why I am the way I am, honestly I don't remember having a bad experience with food or anything like that but I am the way I am. I accept the way I am, but it doesn't mean it doesn't annoy me.

There is nothing worse than going for lunch with your friends and not being able to find a single thing you can eat on the menu. Thankfully this doesn't happen to me often as most places will have something I can eat like a burger or a sandwich, but it does happen occasionally.

I have been a freelance writer for years now, but I have never written about being a picky eater. Mostly because I genuinely didn't think anyone would be that interested in it. However last year after a terrible day at the doctor (I will no doubt get to that story later) I did a simple google search and my world changed.

I found out that I am not the only person like me, I am not weird there are many others like me. There is even a name for it (a few actually) and support groups which have been immensely helpful to me. I realised through the online support group I joined, that its not just about getting help for myself, its about the group coming together to help everyone from picky eaters, partners of picky eaters and parents of picky children. Seeing what parents go through with their children who struggle with food makes me think about how lucky I am that my mother was always so positive about food when I was little.

Most picky eaters can tell you horror stories about being force fed or made to sit at the table for hours until they ate their vegetables. I had none of this from my mother, my father was a bit of a different story (I will probably get to that at some point too) but for the most part, growing up I was ok.

I decided to start this blog after writing an (as yet unpublished) Ebook about my experience growing up as a picky eater. Writing the book made me realise that I have so much to say on the subject and that maybe I can help others going through the same thing. More than that, maybe I can help 'normal' eaters to understand what people like me go through. Its not about simply being fussy, its about physically not being able to eat certain foods.

Being honest, I am not too sure where this blog will take me. I will likely start off with a few posts explaining my food issues and what it was like for me growing up before moving on to more day to day life as a picky eater.