Thursday, 5 May 2016

At the Doctors today

So today I had to follow up with my regular doctor after my visit to out of hours at the weekend.

Funny how they tell you to follow up with your regular doctor, then when you go you see someone who you have never clapped eyes on before. I think all the doctors who were at my surgery three years ago when we moved here have moved on, we have had two of our current doctors for a while but the third one keeps changing, this woman must be new.

She clearly hadn't read my file because she didn't even know why I was there. Had she read any of my information she would have seen the note from out of hours and saved us the first five minutes of our ten minute appointment with me having to explain everything. Nevertheless she was really lovely.

Told me I needed a scan, which I already knew, booked the scan, took some bloods and gave me painkillers designed for humans, rather than the ones out of hours gave me which I can only assume were made for large animals, elephants perhaps, given how strong they are.

I had been dreading this appointment. I am a nurse so I know that the number one thing you can do to help gallstones is to reduce the amount of fat in your diet. Strangely, I have never had high cholesterol, which is usually what causes gallstones but I was waiting for the 'you need to change your diet' speech.

I was prepared for this speech, and for the first time in my life, I was prepared to take it seriously, to demand help to tackle this head on. I realised we were nearing the end of our appointment and the speech hadn't come. I had worked myself up so much about it, decided to take a stand, to demand help. I couldn't let this opportunity pass me by, not when it was the first time I had been ready to accept help.

I told her that I wasn't looking forward to having to change my diet, she asked why and I just said 'I am such a fussy eater, to the point where it is actually an eating disorder' She just said 'we will cross that bridge when we come to it, lets wait for the scan and blood results, but losing a little weight would help'

I gave her the brief story of how I wasn't always this fat, how I don't understand how I got this fat, how I have a very active job, how I went to the gym twice a week religiously for a year and only lost 6 kilos. She said 'good work, 6 kilos is a  lot better than nothing' I swear you could have knocked me down with a feather, no one has ever thought that I have done well in my weight loss journey, they always tell me I am not doing enough.

We didn't go into any further discussion about it, but I tell you what I did do. As soon as I got home I made the decision that I will go back to that gym, simply feeling supported has spurred me on. I will also see if I still have my noom pro membership and start tracking my meals again, they gave me a free few months because I had a bad experience with it before. I find meal tracking on the app really difficult now that i do a mix of days and nights, because it works midnight to midnight so when I am on nightshift it counts my dinner as the next day's breakfast, but I will figure out a way.

I don't know if there is any help out there for people like me. I have heard some people have tried all sorts of different therapies, but I am yet to hear of any of it actually working, but I owe it to my health to at least give it a try.

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