Should I hide vegetables in my child's food?

This is probably the question asked the most in my picky eaters group. Parents are often terrified that because their child won't eat vegetables they will be really unhealthy or even become ill. They are often so terrified of the concept of a child that doesn't eat vegetables that they consider trying to hide them in their child's food.

If you are in the UK like me, you might have seen a government sponsored advert advocating the hiding of vegetables in a pasta sauce in order to trick children into eating them. I can honestly say that had this been done to me, I would have never eaten pasta sauce again. Actually I never ate any sort of pasta sauce until my late teens, but that's not the point here. The point is that I would have known that the vegetables were there, no matter how well hidden mum thought they were, and it would have made me unable to eat the sauce again as I would always associate it with having the veg in. or worse it would have made me not trust my mother promising me that there were none there this time round because she would have lied about it the first time.

For picky eaters like me, trusting the people preparing your food is a huge deal. A really huge deal.

Anyway back to the original question, the answer depends on if you think your child is just being fussy the way a lot of children are, or if you think your child has selective eating disorder like me. If your child is just being fussy as a phase that a lot of children go through then you might be able to hide vegetables in their food and they might eat them without noticing them, or even if they do notice them they are unlikely to be traumatised by the experience. However if your child has selective eating disorder, they will absolutely find the hidden vegetables, refuse to eat them (and probably never eat whatever you hid them in again either) and possibly be traumatised by the experience. Their trust in your ability to prepare their food in a way that is safe for them, without tricking them will likely be severely damaged too.

I guess the natural follow up question is how do you tell if your child is just going through a fussy phase or if they have an actual problem with food? This question is near impossible to answer I am afraid, but I can tell you about some traits most of us with selective eating disorder have or had as a child which might help you tell the difference.

Most of us exclude whole food groups rather than just one or two particular foods. The most common seem to be fruits, vegetables and seafood. Its as if these food groups are excluded on some sort of principle rather than because of a genuine dislike for the foods in question. We also don't need to taste a food to know we don't like it, I cant explain it and I have no idea why but every picky eater I have ever met has a long list of foods that they have never tasted but simply find offensive for some reason.

I could never imagine putting seafood in my mouth, and I have lived beside the sea my whole life until two years ago. I have seen the fishing boats going to catch the stuff, I have even helped prepare it (yes I know how to gut a fish). I have heard tourists go on and on about how wonderful this fresh seafood is and how much better it tastes than the stuff you get in the city. To me it just isn't food, even with all this knowledge about how great it is. Shellfish in particular are a problem for me, it all looks so slimy and squishy it just doesn't look like something I would want to eat. Although I have eaten the occasional piece of fish in my life I have never eaten a shellfish and I highly doubt I ever will.

Another strange thing is that although I can eat fish (I really prefer not to though) I could never eat a fish I had caught myself or that I had seen being caught. That's why I stopped going fishing as a teenager. My friends and I used to go fishing every weekend, its just one of those things kids do when you grow up by the sea but I never took any of my fish home. If they were still alive I put them back in the water if not I gave them to one of my friends to take home. I guess its something to do with seeing the fish as a fish, rather than as food.

The smell of some foods bothers some of us, some people can't be in the same room as certain foods. Personally the only food I cant stand the smell of is cabbage and I actually think that has a lot more to do with my mother's complete love of the stuff than my eating disorder. Growing up my house often smelled of cabbage when I came home from school - mum was a big fan of the cabbage soup diet. However many people with selective eating disorder have a whole range of foods they simply can't stand to smell.

I guess if you are trying to figure out if your child is just being fussy or if there might be more to it you have to use your best judgement and try and decide what your child's attitude towards food are. A child with selective eating disorder will have a real aversion to certain food groups and refuse point blank to even try them, no matter how much you beg or even bribe them. They might also get quite upset by the idea of eating certain foods or even having some foods near them. Characteristically selective eaters will tell you they don't like foods without even tasting them.

I am not a parent so I do not feel like I have the right to advise parents on how to raise their children but I can tell you that I had a really positive experience with food growing up and what my mother did to make me feel that way.

She never forced me to eat anything I wasn't comfortable with, she did encourage me but she was never forceful and she certainly never hid foods that I wouldn't eat in foods that I would. I honestly believe that the reason I am even able to consider trying to expand my diet now is because my mother was so good about my food issues.

Trying new foods was never made a negative experience, sure there were a few things I tried that I couldn't eat over the years but that was always ok, I was allowed to not eat the rest of whatever it was. I think because mum encouraged me to taste things but didn't make a big deal out of it if I wasn't able to actually eat the thing, I was able to try some new things. It was always difficult for me to bring myself to try a new food and I admit I haven't tried many over the years but I have tried some and I have added a few things to my diet.

My goal for the weekend

I have decided to set myself smaller goals to help me towards my healthier eating and weight-loss goals. The idea is that by breaking it down into smaller goals they will seem more achievable and I will hopefully be happily celebrating many of these small goals on my way to my big goal of getting my weight down to the point where I can pass my fitness test for the Army.

I am off all weekend, I don't start back till nightshift Monday night so I have two whole days off in a row. I plan on using that time to try and get to grips with something I am really bad at - meal planning.

I struggle with meal planning in part because I am just not very well organised a lot of the time and in part because of my eating disorder. Sometimes even foods that are a favourite will just be inedible to me for some reason, I have no idea why this is but I do know its common in people with Selective Eating Disorder.

That makes it very difficult for me to plan my meals ahead of time, what if the meal I have planned for tomorrow seems inedible to me when tomorrow actually comes around? So I have come up with a workaround for this. What I plan on doing is making a variety (or as much variety as someone like me can have) of lunches and dinners up over the weekend that can be frozen and reheated in a microwave since that's what I have in work. I can also plan some other quick to cook meals for when I don't fancy any of the frozen things but don't have a lot of time to cook which is often my problem while I am on placement.

I won't plan what days the food is to be eaten on or anything like that, I will just plan some meals to cook ahead of time and then I can just choose from those meals throughout the week. I have one of those keep cool lunch bags somewhere that will stop my frozen food from making a mess in my bag as it defrosts, I just need to find it.

This coming week I am working four nightshifts in a row which makes my meal schedule more than a little odd but I still think planning ahead of time is possible. My meals may be eaten at strange times, but that doesn't mean I cant plan them ahead of time.

Planning my meals will have a few benefits, first it will save me time which is something I really need to do on a week that involves four nightshifts. Secondly it will allow me to stick to my healthier eating a little bit better than I have done this week since I was so disorganised. Lastly I also think I might save money since buying pre-made meals is always more expensive, and I wont waste as much food since I will only buy what I need to make the meals I have planned. I will also have a shopping list to stick to which will stop me buying things I really don't need or cant use.

I am going to start by making a list of meals I can eat which are freezer safe, if I can buy the ingredients for those tomorrow I can start the cooking tomorrow night leaving Sunday free to cook the non-freezer stuff. I already have a reasonably well stocked fridge so I might even be able to start cooking with what I already have.

I haven't really planned my goal-setting any further ahead than this but I think I will make meal planning my short-term goal until I get the hang of it and it becomes a regular thing.

Really starting to struggle

I have taken a bad turn in my healthier eating this week. I am really starting to struggle now that I am on placement and doing 12 hour shifts meaning I have no choice but to eat in work. I haven't been able to find the canteen yet and even if I could I am told its in another building and would probably take at least ten minutes each way to get there and back, I only have a half hour break.

That means I have to take food with me which I thought would make things so much easier than when I am in uni since I have access to a microwave and a toaster but I am really struggling. To be fair I don't think its impossible, I just think I need to get more organised with making meals in advance that are at least a little healthy but I sit there watching everyone else eating their salads and I feel such jealousy, I want to be able to eat like that so badly.

I do think I deserve a bit of credit for how hard I have been working though, my diet over these last few weeks (this week excluded) has probably been the best in my whole life. Its a big step and although it has not been easy I have shown myself that I can add foods to my diet, all be it in very small amounts.

The problem is that I am placed at a hospital at the complete opposite end of the city from where I live meaning I have to drive to my nearest subway station (I don't live anywhere near the subway route) and park and ride to the stop nearest placement. It actually doesn't take as long as you would think since the subway is quite quick but it means I am out of the house for around 14-15 hours depending on when I actually leave the hospital and how icy my car is when I get back to it. After all that I simply don't have the energy to cook my dinner, let alone cook something for the next day as well.

I actually feel really ill today, I have been working the last two days and I clearly haven't drank enough as I feel like I have a bad hangover today. Its a busy place and we only get two half hour breaks a day, sometimes you just don't have time to nip to the kitchen for a glass of water since its conveniently located right at the far end of the place, ages away from the actual ward part of the ward.

My goal for next week is to attempt to cook some meals in advance so that I am eating properly both at work and at home and to drink more water throughout the day so I don't feel like this again. My goal for the rest of this week is just to get through it, the first week is always hard since its been so long since you have worked these long shifts.

I am so fed up of picking stuff out of my food

I decided tonight to get an Indian take away, I know I am supposed to be doing better food wise but I have such a sore back tonight I just couldn't face the thought of cooking. I have also spent over six hours restoring and updating an old laptop of my mothers so she can give it to a friend of hers, I am still not finished with it and its made me awful tired.

I got a meal deal for one and got pakora and a chicken chasni. As always I was very clear about no vegetables in my curry.

The food arrived and it smelled lovely, I opened the pakora and took a bite it was horrible so I moved on to the curry. There didn't appear to be any vegetables in it so I put some on my plate, as soon as I did that I could see all these tiny bits of onion. I tried my best to eat some of the chicken and just scrape all the sauce off it but it wasn't working so I figured I would just eat the chips, but they were cold so the whole thing went in the bin.

I am so fed up of having to pick bits out of my food to make it edible, and even more sick of the times where its not possible to do that and I cant eat the food at all. I was so looking forward to my curry, the other half cant eat Indian food so its very rare that I get to have it.

So now I have a sore head from staring at computer screens all day, I am hungry and now my stomach is sore and I feel sick too. I must have accidentally eaten one of the bits of onion, I often wonder if I am actually allergic to onions. Surely its not normal to be sick from eating something that you simply don't like? Of all the foods I hate, and there are many, onions are the absolute worst.

I am going to get one of my meal replacement shakes for dinner instead now.

I have just eaten the healthiest meal of my life

I am actually quite excited by the fact that I am pretty sure I just ate something that can be considered to be a healthy meal. I haven't logged it into my Noom app yet but I am pretty sure it will be happy with my food choices for once.

I had boneless pork chops (just the middle bit, I cant have any fatty stuff), mushrooms which I fried with my Flora pro-active light butter stuff which supposedly lowers your cholesterol and is a green food in Noom, broccoli and salad. Yes I actually ate salad!

I have found a bagged salad I can tolerate, its called 'bistro salad' and it has a few (three I think) different salad leaves in it and some shredded beetroot which I actually completely forgot I knew I liked. I had tried it once before and liked it but never found a way to buy/cook it that made it the same. I tried boiling it but that made it soggy and I cant stand anything pickled so I have never been able to recreate the crunchy shredded stuff and I totally forgot all about liking it that way.

I am really weird about how I eat the salad, but I don't care at least I am eating it. I am only eating the leafy part of the leafs, I find the texture of the stalky bits too weird but hey that's a big improvement on even just a few weeks ago. Before I had eaten the occasional salad leaf but it certainly wasn't something I would say I enjoyed and it was something I very rarely bought because most of it would go to waste. This time I looked at all the different bags of salad available in the supermarket and looked for what looked the most similar to what I have eaten on those occasions. I think I have found one I can stick to and I am overjoyed.

Don't get me wrong I still couldn't eat a vegetable without something else in the same mouthful, so as soon as I ran out of pork I couldn't eat any more but progress is progress. Maybe I will always need to have my veggies with another food to accompany them, I honestly don't care as long as I find a way to eat them.

Add that to my recent one kilogram weight-loss and I am one pretty excited lady. I can do this!