tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19623459496011500662024-03-05T10:32:57.605+00:00Diary of a picky eaterI am an adult picky eater, I have suffered with selective eating disorder (SED) all my life. This blog explains a little about my struggles with food and my weight as well as trying to give some helpful advice to my fellow SED sufferers and parents of children with SED.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.comBlogger56125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-7156606210565386412017-06-01T15:57:00.001+01:002017-06-01T15:57:49.661+01:00Maybe things aren't as bad as I thoughtSo I did a bit of reading last night because I thought my sudden lactose intolerance was more than a little unlikely. It turns out that there are certain circumstances where lactose intolerance can actually be temporary!<br />
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I read all about sudden onset lactose intolerance, its rare but not impossible but most importantly it is also likely that if your lactose intolerance came on suddenly, it will go away over time.<br />
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I then looked at causes of sudden onset lactose intolerance and it turns out that a severe GI upset can cause it because it can unbalance the enzymes and bacteria in your gut. Well guess who had food poisoning just a few days before this all started? Yup, this girl.<br />
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We had Chinese food for dinner three weeks ago and I was so ill afterwards, genuinely the most throwing up I have ever done. This went on for 48 hours. At first I didn't think it was food poisoning because having spent most of my life in the food industry before going on to become a nurse, I know that usually food poisoning takes at least 24 - 48 hours to develop after you have eaten the meal that caused it. I had become ill within a few hours. However just as I was getting better the other half started throwing up just as violently as I had been and I decided that it simply had to be food poisoning, maybe I was just more sensitive to this particular bacteria or something.<br />
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So from what I read the best thing to do is to give my system a break from lactose to let the enzymes build back up. There is no way of knowing how long I need to take this break for, its just trial and error unfortunately so I thought I would give it a week and see how it goes. If there is no improvement, I will try another week. It actually doesn't seem that hard since I don't necessarily need to cut lactose out completely, just cut it right down. I already bought lacto free milk and butter so all I really need to avoid is cheese for a week, surely I can manage that?kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-14479285272059876122017-05-31T20:52:00.002+01:002017-05-31T20:52:58.011+01:00Could things get any worse?I swear sometimes I think the world is out to get me. Not only am I stuck with the diet of a toddler but then I pile on a tonne of weight in large part due to having helicobacter and no one believing me. Then because the helicobacter went untreated for so long its left me with GI issues that will likely persist for the rest of my life, the medication will no doubt also be life long. My life has been super depressing recently and now it looks like I might be lactose intolerant! <br />
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Seriously, like I need any more limitations in my diet!<br />
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A few years back when what we now know was actually helicobacter started, the GP toyed with the idea of a food intolerance. I dismissed it since my diet never changes (the one good thing about SED, you never eat a new food) and my symptoms were never associated with eating a particular food - just with eating in general. I did however try a few elimination diets, had no success and went back to my usual toddler-style eating within a few weeks.<br />
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Over the last few months however I have noticed that whenever I eat a lot of dairy my stomach plays up. It needs to be quite a bit though, I can drink a late with no issues but if I have something with a creamy sauce or maybe have breakfast cereal my stomach starts playing up. The old idea of a food intolerance has entered my head again. The GP at the time suspected lactose as being the culprit, I think purely because its the most common food intolerance going but I wonder if he was right all along.<br />
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I tested my theory, yesterday I had no dairy at all and guess what my stomach was fine. Today I had milk in my cereal and my stomach played up. Now I know that one days testing is not enough - usually medics recommend a two week elimination period to see if there is improvement so I stepped up my plan by purchasing lots of lacto free products at the supermarket tonight. I will see how it goes this week.<br />
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I don't know if I'm just clutching at straws here but something is not right, I just hope I don't have helicobacter again! <br />
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So much of what I eat is dairy. I love cheese and have recently taken to yogurt so I can have a healthy breakfast at work - sure you can get lactose free versions of these things but with SED a different brand or food having a different texture can make such a huge difference to my ability to eat the food that I am so worried. Ive only found one yogurt I can eat so far and I might need to change it already - this is pretty frightening actually, although I cant say I have noticed an issue with yogurt, how strange, maybe because I only take a tiny bit? <br />
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This really is the last thing I need.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-73450587869586044242016-10-25T21:29:00.002+01:002016-10-25T21:29:46.720+01:00So it turns out there might be a medical reason for my weight gainWhen I first started piling on weight back in 2012 I was seriously worried that something was medically wrong with me. I assumed I might have poly cystic ovaries since I basically had all the symptoms and it is a ridiculously common thing in women in their 20's as I was at the time. Or perhaps an underactive thyroid was to blame. <br />
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My doctor assumed I was just looking for excuses for my weight gain and dismissed me. I was also complaining of gastrointestinal issues at the time but those were also dismissed and I was told I probably had IBS and there wasn't much anyone could do. I was given tablets for the stomach cramps, even although I didn't really have any cramps and basically told to go away.<br />
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No matter how many times I went to the doctor it was always the same, 'you just need to watch what you are eating a bit better' blah blah blah. I have eaten like a toddler my whole life and yes I have always been a little overweight but it was spiralling out of control for no obvious reason.<br />
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At the time I was in the best physical health of my life, I was also training for a 5k run which is something I would never have contemplated before. I was out running every day either before or after work depending on my shift, every single day! One might expect to lose a few pounds doing all that running but my weight was creeping up and up. At first I put it down to being back at college and eating rubbish canteen food, so I started taking my own lunches and it made no difference.<br />
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I ran that 5k in an outfit two sizes bigger than I had been before all this started. I couldn't believe it when I tried it on. How on earth had I gained weight when all I had been doing was training for the race? I ran the 5k in a little over half an hour which I didn't think was bad for someone who had never ran the length of themselves before.<br />
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The weight was bugging me though and I was insistent that something was wrong. it just didn't sit right with me that I was putting on weight when I was doing ten times the amount of exercise I used to do. We moved to the city at this time so I had to register with a new doctor and I told them of my concerns. They agreed to run bloods to check my thyroid but when they came back ok they weren't interested anymore. <br />
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I have mentioned it to different doctors at my practice since, the weight gain and the gastro stuff. no one is interested they all keep telling me to join a slimming group. I go to the gym all the time, ok I take the occasional week off but I go to the gym a lot. I don't eat well, I never have and I never will, but I eat better than I ever did before when I was thin.<br />
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Then I ended up in the emergency GP one night with suspected gallstones, and finally the GP was interested in something I had to say. They booked a scan for me, which was negative for gallstones but now they at least admitted something might in fact be wrong.<br />
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At this time I pointed out that my partner had helicobacter pylori a couple of years ago and had very similar symptoms to what I had been having for years. I was told 'oh we don't routinely test family members of people who have that' I pointed out that I have had symptoms for years and probably have it but was again dismissed. I was started on omeprazole because I was still having what we thought was gallbladder pain before the scan.<br />
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When I went back to tell them that the omeprazole did in fact seem to be making a difference I mentioned the helicobacter again and finally my doctor agreed to test me. I really don't know what the fuss is about, if you have never had it before the test is just a simple blood test its hardly difficult. I had the test done that day and a few days later the phone rings.<br />
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Its the receptionist from the surgery asking me if I would be available the following day for a phone appointment with the doctor. I knew then that I had been right all along, the test was positive.<br />
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As it turns out, unexplained weight gain is a symptom of untreated helicobacter! I have been going on about this for four years and no on has listened! Unfortunately, getting rid of the helicobacter is no guarantee that the weight will drop off but it certainly wont hurt and it should hopefully stop the nasty GI symptoms I have been having.<br />
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The treatment is dual antibiotic therapy and working in an admissions unit in the biggest hospital in the country, being on lots of antibiotics is not a great idea when I am at work. Antibiotic use is a risk factor for some nasty infections and I don't want another infection on top of what I already have so I will wait till my annual leave next week before starting it. Hopefully the antibiotics don't make me feel too yukky.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-91991122185411386882016-10-09T17:27:00.003+01:002016-10-09T17:28:49.445+01:00Well the shakes worked!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Ok from my last post you can tell that I was really worried how I would handle my shake challenge and really sceptical about it working. </div>
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I am very proud to say that I have lost five and a half lbs! in seven days!</div>
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I wasn't brave enough to try them out while I was working in case I felt really hungry so I waited till I was on annual leave and started them last week. The first day wasn't easy I will be honest but within the first three days I had realised that I could have a very small lunch by splitting my calorie allowance and the weight started dropping off, by day three I had lost three lbs.</div>
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I can honestly say that after the first two days I was not feeling hungry at all after my shakes and they actually tasted really nice. I had loads of energy which is not like me, I attribute that to the extra vitamins in the shakes since my regular diet is so rubbish.</div>
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in fact I loved my shakes so much I have decided to join my friend in becoming a distributor for forever living. I have now had the chance to try many of their products and there are none I don't love. I am using the heat gel on my sore back and shoulder, and the moisturiser on my dry skin. I feel great and I am noticing a massive difference in my skin. </div>
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I will always be a picky eater, and I think I will always struggle with food but maybe I have finally found something that can at least help with the weight.</div>
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<a href="http://www.facebook.com/foreverwithkirsty">www.facebook.com/foreverwithkirsty</a> </div>
<br />kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-32330448533945085552016-09-06T17:38:00.001+01:002016-09-06T17:38:44.282+01:00I have to lose this weight - drastic measuresI know I need to lose this weight, it has very much been at the forefront of my mind recently. I feel awful, I am tired all the time and I have been sicker this year than I ever have been in my life.<br />
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This is almost certainly related to my diet, but more so I think to my weight. My diet is bad, I am fully aware of that but I am making the effort as much as possible and things are definitely better than they were. So why do I feel worse?<br />
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The obvious answer is my weight. Although my diet has improved somewhat, my weight has never recovered. I remain heavier than I used to be, and only three kilos lighter than I was when I started this journey. Something drastic needs to happen, and it needs to happen soon.<br />
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I started taking these tablets that reduce your body's absorption of carbs and fat from the foods you eat. I don't eat that much fat, but I sure do love my carbs. The problem is I take medication that can't be taken at the same time as the tablets, you need a clear two hour window between them. Since I do not have two hours to wait around in the mornings I can't take the tablets at breakfast. Not a huge deal I figure, better to take them twice a day than never. Only problem is that I have been forgetting to lift them to take them to work with me so they are really not doing anything for me. I am also a little worried about the effect they might have on my medication so although I was really into the idea when I bought them, I am now not so sure.<br />
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A good friend of mine has recently started working with one of those companies that sell all sorts of supplements, shakes and skincare stuff and was looking for some people to try their shakes for a week. I signed straight up! What the heck am I thinking? The plan is to have a shake for breakfast and lunch then eat a 600 calorie meal at night, you can have as much fruit and veg as you like as well.<br />
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It honestly sounds great, only breakfast is my favourite meal of the day, and the only one I eat reasonably consistently (not every day, but most days), I have no idea what a 600 calorie meal looks like and I don't eat a single fruit. I do eat four vegetables, but not on their own so that is no use either. What the heck? I am never going to be able to do this!<br />
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And this is without thinking about the taste/texture of the actual shakes, I have no idea what they are going to be like or if I will manage to even drink them in the first place. I have a feeling I may have bitten off more than I can chew here.<br />
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On the plus side, I guess it shows how serious I am about getting rid of this weight. I need to do something and it is only a week. If it doesn't work I guess I haven't lost much. I just hope that missing breakfast before work doesn't leave me hungry all day and affect my concentration because as a nurse, people's lives depend on my ability to concentrate and do my job safely and well.<br />
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I guess I have nothing to lose by giving it a try; except some unwanted weight that is!kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-76311122477417118512016-06-18T13:57:00.002+01:002016-06-18T13:57:58.787+01:00Back to the gymI started back at the gym last night. It has been ages since I have been there. I got so disheartened with not losing any weight, then I took ill and it was the perfect excuse to stop going for a while.<br />
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I am getting pretty much nowhere with trying to change my diet, and absolutely nowhere with losing weight. In fact according to my scales, I have put three of the kilograms I lost back on recently. I am still under the weight I was when I first started on this journey by five kilos but putting anything back on still feels bad.<br />
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The good news is that I finally got a date for my ultrasound scan to see what is going on with this gallbladder. My bloods all came back ok so my own doctor is a little confused by the whole thing but I am sure that is what it is because sometimes when I eat I am in agony afterwords which is classic of a problem gallbladder.<br />
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What is not classic of a problem gallbladder is that the foods that set it off aren't always the same. For example on the rare occasion I go to the works canteen I will always get macaroni cheese if it is available because it's about the only hot thing I can eat that they make. I have had this at work several times since the gallbladder became a problem. Since I finished my old job off a nightshift on Sunday morning and started my new job on a dayshift Monday, I have had no time to go to the supermarket in between so have relied on the canteen this past week. For the most part this is a nightmare for me, but old faithful macaroni cheese was one of the choices on Tuesday so I got that. The pain was immediate, I hadn't even finished eating and I was in agony which lasted for three days!<br />
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I need to lose weight, I need to eat better.<br />
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I simply don't know what to do. I have even considered contacting an eating disorders charity based in the city, their website lists both SED and ARFID as disorders they are familiar with. I don't know what, if any help they could give me. There really isn't any help out there but I definitely do need help. If only I knew how to get it.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-60527828368582853662016-05-18T17:44:00.000+01:002016-05-18T17:44:56.492+01:00Pressure King Pro - My latest attempt at eating better<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh82Ylqu9j1fron6TwpoSgLQ-iHs1GBPYcU8WW9rq_iJWWHROqmiOy-x2qrx7sreWiuylryDHZb3t1LFxsNBJoB1or7yq8VmTssT-Shn1aACIZQFwxP6P722EEGk4-hdO3icEnSVlSB-xc/s1600/20160518_151338.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh82Ylqu9j1fron6TwpoSgLQ-iHs1GBPYcU8WW9rq_iJWWHROqmiOy-x2qrx7sreWiuylryDHZb3t1LFxsNBJoB1or7yq8VmTssT-Shn1aACIZQFwxP6P722EEGk4-hdO3icEnSVlSB-xc/s320/20160518_151338.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
So if you have been following my posts you know that I have tried many things to help me eat better and pretty much nothing has worked. Expanding my diet is possibly the most difficult thing I have ever tried to do. I have resigned myself to the fact that I have to first start by eating the things I can eat more often, instead of relying on junk to fill me up or living on breakfast cereal which being honest is something I would be quite happy to do.<br />
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The area that needs the most improvement is absolutely what I take to work, I tend to buy rubbish that can be microwaved quickly. Part of the reason for that is that I am absolutely rubbish at preparing things in advance. I struggle to find the time and motivation and on top of that I struggle with how limited I am in what I eat because lets face it, not everything can be cooked in advance, transported to work and then reheated in a microwave.<br />
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My latest attempt at improving things is the Pressure King Pro, which is an electric pressure cooker with varying pre-programmed settings. My mother bought one recently and absolutely loves it, and if she likes it it must be absolutely awesome because I swear to goodness, that woman likes nothing.<br />
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It sounded like just what I needed. It cooks things quickly, cooks a reasonably large amount (it has a five litre capacity), is easy to clean and doesn't really need any input from a human after its set up. All you do is chuck everything in and choose the appropriate setting. Sounds so easy, even I can do it so I went out and bought one yesterday.<br />
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Now I admit I actually used it for the first time last night, but I had the idea that it would make a good blog post after the fact so I hadn't taken any photos so this is actually the second time I have used it. Last night I made a chicken and rice dish that cooked in exactly 12 minutes (plus time for the machine to build pressure and my prep time) and was delicious.<br />
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Today's offering is my idea of a chicken stew (remember I am a picky eater).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibLkmnCNaasat7fO9mcO2jM8o4RcQ0PJepdhd5RHy6p94TBYu89Irjs4RoYoEfoNkibxl3HlqPUrDbbfdjAZRjr07vfUNq0H-Hg0TbvaRR6U6v0o74oQpmybhoJ2COeuARVNC-4f2vHWY/s1600/20160518_145526.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibLkmnCNaasat7fO9mcO2jM8o4RcQ0PJepdhd5RHy6p94TBYu89Irjs4RoYoEfoNkibxl3HlqPUrDbbfdjAZRjr07vfUNq0H-Hg0TbvaRR6U6v0o74oQpmybhoJ2COeuARVNC-4f2vHWY/s320/20160518_145526.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
Firstly I chopped the chicken and added it to the rather large pot. Since this blog is about my life as a picky eater, the picture below is the amount of chicken I cut off and binned because it didn't meet my ridiculous standards (see even I know how ridiculous it is) Some of it has weird white bits on it, some has cartilage and some veiney bits - all in the bin!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyBk3Q3sHbYmm3kcgUYgMNaHmzu9rj5agyZpiZCHPMtCneCYMOhX77AsrRXTKvfTwmmGwGWlZMTMVGgpgh78inQYFMv8wPN0sndQmbzqEzBgzdQUoWiDo0Tflv8HNSjOy_PS1fIgW7o6g/s1600/20160518_145534.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyBk3Q3sHbYmm3kcgUYgMNaHmzu9rj5agyZpiZCHPMtCneCYMOhX77AsrRXTKvfTwmmGwGWlZMTMVGgpgh78inQYFMv8wPN0sndQmbzqEzBgzdQUoWiDo0Tflv8HNSjOy_PS1fIgW7o6g/s320/20160518_145534.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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I then peeled, chopped and added the carrots and potatoes. Carrots are one of the four vegetables I can eat so I am trying to eat them as often as I can.<br />
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I added water and one of those stock pot things, closed the lid and selected the 'meat' programme. There is a stew programme but that turns the machine into a slow cooker rather than a pressure cooker and since the whole point of this meal prepping thing is that I am going to cook several meals today and do it quickly, using the slow cooker function seemed to defeat the point. I added a few extra minutes to the timer because 13 minutes didn't seem enough and noted to myself that I need to figure out how to adjust timings and get my head around these programmes somehow.</div>
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And this is the finished product - </div>
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Ok so I had to add some gravy cubes because the one stock pot thingy was nowhere near enough but that was very easy to do, I just crumbled them in and put the machine back on without the lid for a few minutes so I could stir it in and that was that.</div>
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I have to say it tasted fantastic and including prep and heating time couldn't have taken much more than half an hour to prepare. Best part is because you don't need to do anything while it is cooking, you are free to use that time for something else, for example, writing this blog post.</div>
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I have since washed the machine and currently have a whole chicken cooking in there which means I will get a whole cooked chicken, and more than enough stock to make a pot of soup too.</div>
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Meal prepping is turning out to be really easy with my new Pressure King Pro; in fact I am doing so well that I think I will need to order more bags for my vacuum sealer to store it all in!</div>
kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-44160822298702676362016-05-05T19:13:00.002+01:002016-05-05T19:13:44.293+01:00At the Doctors todaySo today I had to follow up with my regular doctor after my visit to out of hours at the weekend.<br />
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Funny how they tell you to follow up with your regular doctor, then when you go you see someone who you have never clapped eyes on before. I think all the doctors who were at my surgery three years ago when we moved here have moved on, we have had two of our current doctors for a while but the third one keeps changing, this woman must be new.<br />
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She clearly hadn't read my file because she didn't even know why I was there. Had she read any of my information she would have seen the note from out of hours and saved us the first five minutes of our ten minute appointment with me having to explain everything. Nevertheless she was really lovely.<br />
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Told me I needed a scan, which I already knew, booked the scan, took some bloods and gave me painkillers designed for humans, rather than the ones out of hours gave me which I can only assume were made for large animals, elephants perhaps, given how strong they are.<br />
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I had been dreading this appointment. I am a nurse so I know that the number one thing you can do to help gallstones is to reduce the amount of fat in your diet. Strangely, I have never had high cholesterol, which is usually what causes gallstones but I was waiting for the 'you need to change your diet' speech.<br />
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I was prepared for this speech, and for the first time in my life, I was prepared to take it seriously, to demand help to tackle this head on. I realised we were nearing the end of our appointment and the speech hadn't come. I had worked myself up so much about it, decided to take a stand, to demand help. I couldn't let this opportunity pass me by, not when it was the first time I had been ready to accept help.<br />
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I told her that I wasn't looking forward to having to change my diet, she asked why and I just said 'I am such a fussy eater, to the point where it is actually an eating disorder' She just said 'we will cross that bridge when we come to it, lets wait for the scan and blood results, but losing a little weight would help'<br />
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I gave her the brief story of how I wasn't always this fat, how I don't understand how I got this fat, how I have a very active job, how I went to the gym twice a week religiously for a year and only lost 6 kilos. She said 'good work, 6 kilos is a lot better than nothing' I swear you could have knocked me down with a feather, no one has ever thought that I have done well in my weight loss journey, they always tell me I am not doing enough.<br />
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We didn't go into any further discussion about it, but I tell you what I did do. As soon as I got home I made the decision that I will go back to that gym, simply feeling supported has spurred me on. I will also see if I still have my noom pro membership and start tracking my meals again, they gave me a free few months because I had a bad experience with it before. I find meal tracking on the app really difficult now that i do a mix of days and nights, because it works midnight to midnight so when I am on nightshift it counts my dinner as the next day's breakfast, but I will figure out a way.<br />
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I don't know if there is any help out there for people like me. I have heard some people have tried all sorts of different therapies, but I am yet to hear of any of it actually working, but I owe it to my health to at least give it a try.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-81252663575835203752016-05-02T15:26:00.000+01:002016-05-02T15:26:00.181+01:00The health problems are kicking in now - Gallstones!So a while back I wrote a post about hidradenitis suppurativa and how it may be linked to my diet, although my diet is certainly not the cause.<br />
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I honestly always knew that the way I eat was going to catch up with my health at some point. However at a matter of weeks away from my thirtieth birthday, I thought I had a while to go before it started.<br />
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I went to bed the night before last and noticed a pain at the top of my abdomen. Not anything like normal stomach pain and I had no other symptoms what so ever. Dismissing it as something muscular I tried to get some sleep.<br />
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About an hour later I woke up in agony and spent the rest of the night trying my best to find a position that was comfortable to lie in with no success. When I got up yesterday it was still pretty sore, but I still had nothing else wrong, felt otherwise pretty well and it was definitely not as sore as it had been overnight.<br />
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As a nurse I had narrowed down my symptoms to either problems with my gallbladder or pancreatitis. I quickly dismissed pancreatitis due to the fact that I hadn't been vomiting and decided that I was far too young for issues with my gallbladder. I also don't eat a whole lot of fatty food which is one of the most well-known causes of gallstones.<br />
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Whatever it was, it sure was sore. <br />
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I ended up calling the non-emergency out of hours helpline last night which by the way left me waiting for three hours for a callback from a nurse (its supposed to be a maximum of two) despite me telling them that I was a nurse and all I needed was for them to book me in to the out of hours GP. I certainly wasn't sick enough (on in any way inclined) to go to A&E, but I sure was sick enough where I wanted someone to check me out before Tuesday (its a bank holiday here so nowhere is open on Monday).<br />
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The nurse called me back and I explained my symptoms again, she asked if I had considered gallstones as a cause. I said no because I am so young, gallstones are almost exclusively found in over 40's. She pointed out that there are exceptions to every rule and asked me if I wanted seen at A&E or GP out of hours. I told her there was no way I was going to A&E because I really wasn't that sick, just sore, so she booked me into the out of hours GP.<br />
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It wasn't busy when we got there a little after midnight and it was only about half an hour or so before I was seen by a nurse. The other half came in with me and I honestly thought he was going to die when she said they had to do a pregnancy test! <br />
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Of course I knew I wasn't pregnant and that a test is something they would do for any female who walked in the doors if they are of what they call 'child bearing age' which by the way, is a term I have always hated.<br />
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Good news was I definitely wasn't pregnant, bad news was there was nothing obvious to explain my pain so back to the waiting room I went to wait for the doctor.<br />
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The doctor and I had a long chat about my health, the issues I had with my kidneys growing up and anything else we could think of. We both agreed that none of that would make sense. It likely wasn't gastric because I had not been vomiting and had managed to eat small amounts of food with no issues.<br />
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He felt my abdomen, had a listen with his stethoscope and told me he was pretty sure he could feel a gallstone! My gallbladder is definitely inflamed and he wanted to send me to A&E.<br />
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I asked him what they would do in A&E and he said not much, just manage my pain. I said I would much rather go home in that case. I was in no frame of mind to sit in A&E for hours to get some painkillers that he could give me there and then.<br />
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I pointed out that I am a nurse and I know when something is an emergency and when its not. I promised that if I started vomiting I would take myself to A&E and he let me go home. I have to get an ultrasound scan to confirm if I have a stone or not and they will decide what, if anything to do from there.<br />
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He is a little concerned about the length of time I have been in pain for, apparently gallstones pain normally only lasts a few hours when its a non-emergency but doesn't think its life or death so I now need to try and get an emergency appointment for my own doctor tomorrow to arrange a scan and follow up, provided I don't start vomiting or the pain gets worse - in which case its off to A&E for me!<br />
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I am still pretty sore today, but there is no way I am taking those painkillers again, I felt so off my head last night its unreal. I might take them before bed mind you because I did get a decent sleep with them. I will call the doctor in the morning, but my chances of getting an appointment this week are slim to none.<br />
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The problems are yet to come though. Having issues with your gallbladder means a drastic change in diet, even for a normal eater. I am not prepared for this. I am terrified.<br />
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I need to lose weight, but I need to do it slowly. Losing weight quickly can actually cause gallstones. I know they will think my diet and weight are to blame, but I honestly don't eat that much fatty food, I don't fry anything at home and apart from the occasional roll in sausage if I am working at the weekend, I rarely eat anything that's really fatty.<br />
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A trip to the dietician is almost certainly in order. I haven't seen a dietician since I was a child, back then they simply told me that I needed to eat more vegetables, I argued that I couldn't and they said I had to. I never went back, they weren't willing to work with me and I wasn't willing to be told what I already knew over and over again, with no actual advice of how to make that happen.<br />
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I guess I just have to wait to see what the doctor says if/when I get an appointment.<br />
<br />kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-3126748811938316662016-01-21T18:55:00.001+00:002016-01-21T18:55:34.020+00:00How did I end up like this?I guess a question most picky eaters like me ask themselves is how did I end up like this? or even why me?<br />
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I know its a question I often ask, I wonder why I am the way I am. I honestly think if I could figure out why I am the way I am, really find the root of the problem then maybe I could fix it.<br />
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I think about phobias and how they often start with a bad experience. I have never had a bad experience with food that either myself or my mother are aware of. I am not scared of food the way I would be if I had a phobia, other people's food doesn't bother me at all. <br />
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Was I just a fussy child that was allowed to get away with it? That's what the internet wants you to believe. Most articles about adult picky eaters will have at least a dozen comments along those lines, if it isn't the theme of the article itself that is. This is the hardest question to answer because I was never force fed anything as a child, never left sitting at the table with the same meal in front of me till I ate it the way some folks are. I never felt forced to eat things I didn't like so that would suggest I was allowed to get away with my fussiness. However I was always like this, at school, at home, at friends houses. Surely if it was just to get my own way I would have eaten those bloomin' potatoes in school so I could get outside to play, but I just couldn't they were a bizarre texture and I was always sitting in the lunch hall till lessons started again.<br />
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Lets just say for a minute that I was a fussy kid who was allowed to get away with being that way - then why as an adult cant I change? I desperately want to eat better, am at my wits end trying to lose weight and literally begging doctors for a solution I know they will never find. If I was just a fussy kid then why didn't I eat salad like my friends did when I was a teenager? Why did I refuse to go to events that involved food because I was too scared there would be nothing I could eat? I didn't choose to be this way.<br />
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Why does even the thought of some foods make me sick? Why did I once vomit because my hotdog had touched an onion and I could taste the offending onion even though there were no onions there? I just don't understand why I am like this, why me? I want so badly to change.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-20559156420538718262016-01-20T19:16:00.000+00:002016-01-20T19:16:18.025+00:00Finally done the food shopI was supposed to do the food shop the other day but I ended up doing a whole load of other stuff and simply didn't have time.<br />
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Today I went to Costco and got my usual supplies from there. I buy things like bottles of pepsi max out of there because they work out a lot cheaper but I don't buy much of their food because its usually very expensive. Today they had a deal on steak mince so I bought a 2.5 kilo packet which I will use to make lasagne and bolognaise tomorrow.<br />
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I promised myself I would use at least one day this week to cook some meals up that I can freeze so that gives me plenty to be getting on with. I also went to the regular supermarket and bought some chicken so that I can make that slimming world chili chicken thing that I made last week. Again I bought quite a big packet so I can make a good amount to give some for freezing.<br />
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I am very much looking forward to having some meals pre-made in the freezer just waiting to be reheated and eaten. Sometimes my biggest problem is that I cant be bothered cooking or that I don't have the time it takes to make a decent meal. When you have SED it takes twice as long to cook because you need to cut everything a certain way or cook it just so. For example if I am cooking chicken I cannot just chop that chicken into chunks. I must first cut all the fat or whatever that white stuff is off it, remove the cartilage and take out all the veiney bits. As I am chopping if I come across a vein or something like that then I need to get rid of it, that means checking every chunk as I cut it. It probably takes me twice as long to chop chicken as it would a normal person.<br />
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I used to be quite good at making things in advance to freeze but I somehow got out of the habit over the years but it is a habit I plan on returning to. Once I get back into the swing of buying and cooking the extra. Its not like it takes much more time and effort really because I am simply making bigger portions of whatever I am making at the time and freezing what I don't use.<br />
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I think being organised is going to be the key to my healthier eating/weight loss plans because it is too easy to turn to the same old junk when you are busy. It also gives me the chance to experiment (as much as someone like me can anyway) with foods in the comfort of my own kitchen. If I like them then its something else to add to the safe food list and I can potentially take it to work with me for lunch.<br />
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I still think work is my biggest barrier and this is one way round it. all I have to do is get a little more organised, surely it cant be that hard.<br />
<br />kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-18718687559426587522016-01-18T13:49:00.000+00:002016-01-18T13:49:03.581+00:00Need to do a food shopFood shopping is something I struggle with, not necessarily because of my SED but because I just hate shopping. I hate the crowds and the waiting about, most of all I hate wondering around trying to find things that I just cant find.<br />
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This usually leads to me buying the same old stuff every time which does nothing to help my pitiful attempts at eating better. I buy foods I know are safe, foods I know I can eat and nothing else an while it might make sense to buy things I know I can eat what happens is I buy the same old junk week in week out.<br />
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I sometimes think its because I simply cant be bothered checking the ingredients of every single thing I buy, other times I think its because I am scared of trying things only not to like them and have to throw them away. I cant afford to throw food away, its as simple as that.<br />
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I am off on holiday just now and one of the things I promised I would do is cook and freeze some meals ready for going back to work. I managed to cook a slimming world meal last week (with a few minor variations) so I plan on making a massive pot of that and freezing it. I also like bolognaise so I will make a big pot of that too, I might make it in the slow cooker actually.<br />
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Other than those two dishes, I have no other meals planned. Perhaps I should work on my meal planning skills before I head out for my shopping. I did manage to find four slimming world recipes that I could adapt to make them edible, the only problem was they were all chicken based. I love chicken don't get me wrong, but I really don't want to eat nothing but chicken for weeks at a time. <br />
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I am going to go back to the website where I got the four recipes from to see if I can find some more meals that I can adapt to suit my impossible eating habits. This could take a while!kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-16665827300936769082016-01-16T18:51:00.001+00:002016-01-16T18:51:36.995+00:00Going to give the doctor another tryI am on annual leave next week and I plan on trying to see the doctor. I say trying because it is about as difficult to get an appointment at my surgery as it is to get a lunch date with the queen but I will call and ask.<br />
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I have a few issues niggling away at me that I want to discuss with them. My weight is an obvious one and I am sure the subject of my picky eating will come up so I will try my best to explain it to them and not get frustrated when they don't understand.<br />
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I have a few other things that I want to get checked out but I have a feeling my weight will bear the brunt of the blame in their eyes. This time however, I can at least show them that I am trying to do something about it.<br />
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I may have gotten disillusioned for a while, you could maybe even say I gave up briefly but I have come to the realisation that I cannot let food control me any more.<br />
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I am back using the noom app on my phone and have found a pretty supportive group there and I have even found some slimming world recipes that I have been able to adapt in ways that mean I might eat them. I have only actually made one of them so far but do you know something? it was actually quite nice!<br />
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My partner has agreed to try to eat better too. He doesn't have a picky eating problem, in fact before we lived together he would eat everything and anything, apart from mushrooms. He does however have a problem where he eats junk when I eat junk, both of us have gotten lazy when it comes to food. We rely on the same old rubbish food time and time again because we know I will be able to eat it.<br />
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We have both realised that it will take the two of us working together to really make a change. I think it will be much easier with us both trying hard to think up and make healthier meals. I just have to trust him to cook for me, something I still struggle with even after all these years.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-11707197168485014082016-01-03T22:50:00.002+00:002016-01-03T22:50:29.173+00:00New year, new meWho am I kidding? I would give anything to say that this is the year I will finally change. I will somehow resolve to eating better and it will magically happen because I willed it so. That I will put in hours at the gym and that for the first time ever it wont all be for nothing. I don't see any of that happening.<br />
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When I first started blogging about my life as a picky eater I was so full of optimism, I had found support, found other people like me and that was somehow all the validation I needed to realise that I did have a real eating disorder. If people could overcome disorders like anorexia or bulimia then I could overcome this. <br />
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Now I am so disheartened that I haven't even updated my blog since September! You see I have realised that there are some major differences between selective eating disorder and the more well known eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. The first major difference is that no one knows that selective eating disorder is even a real thing, not even medical professionals! The look I got when I tried to explain to my doctor is something that will forever stick with me. The other major difference is that there is help available for the more known disorders, there are clinics that specialise in treating them and all sorts of therapies for people to try. For selective eating disorder there is nothing at all, except advice to eat better which is impossible.<br />
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I have myself convinced that there is something medically wrong with me, perhaps an underactive thyroid or polycystic ovaries. As a nurse I do know that I have many of the symptoms of both of these but I also know how dangerous it is to get yourself convinced that there is something wrong with you, you start thinking you have all the symptoms, even if what you actually have is the complete opposite.<br />
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Surely there has to be something wrong with me though? this just isn't normal. No matter how much better I try and eat, how much less I eat and how many hours I have spent in the gym. No matter how active I am at work as a nurse on my feet for thirteen hours a day I have yet to lose anymore than the six kilos I originally lost in the first few months of starting this blog. No matter how often my phone tells me I am not eating enough, I cannot lose another pound. That cant be normal surely?<br />
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Having vile hatred for food I have never even tasted is not normal, neither is only eating four vegetables or having to have your food cooked a certain way before you could even consider it as being food. Recognised disorder or not, this is simply not a normal relationship with food.<br />
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I think back to my childhood. Did I ever have a bad experience with food? Not that I can remember. Well apart from that time I went to the boy next door's house for dinner and his mum made hard boiled eggs, I didn't even know what they were. I literally didn't recognise them as being food. To me eggs were those things with the yellow stuff that you dipped your toast into after you had scraped away all the horrible looking white stuff. I had no idea what to do with a hard boiled egg!<br />
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I have had issues with food quite literally since the day I was born according to my mother. Surely I didn't learn that behaviour at a day old??<br />
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I am so worried for the future. I know where I am headed - type two diabetes that I will be unable to control with a diet like mine, a lifetime of tablets or maybe even injections because of it. Knees that will buckle under my weight due to osteoarthritis, an inability to climb stairs, having to give up the job I love with every fibre of my being and that I have worked so damn hard to get because I simply cannot stand for thirteen hours a day anymore. Eventually I will become housebound because of the pain, I wont be able to get up and down the stairs to get out. I wont be able to go shopping or out with friends. Everything I have worked so hard for will be gone and I will be stuck in the house getting fatter because I cannot exercise and I eat like a toddler.<br />
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I don't want any of this. I know I have to change, get healthier, get fitter, get thinner. The question is how the hell do I go about doing that? I honestly have no idea but if I want the life I have finally made for myself I know I have to find a way.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-61385110521575664492015-09-20T23:32:00.000+01:002015-09-20T23:32:38.169+01:00So I went hungry again today, I really should know betterI was in such a rush this morning and if I am honest I just didn't fancy the pasta I had prepared yesterday for my lunch so I decided to take my chances with the canteen. The food is rotten but they usually have paninis or toasties I can eat and I figured that would do.<br />
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Unfortunately we were so busy on the ward that by the time I had gotten to go for my break all the decent ones were gone. I was stuck with the actual canteen food. The only think on the menu I can stand was roast beef. Problem is I don't actually like roast beef, its always fatty but it was the only thing without loads of veg through it so I tried it.<br />
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The beef was so fatty I didn't even have more than one bite and the potatoes were rock solid so I had nothing to eat at all for my whole twelve hour shift. I wonder why I have a headache now?<br />
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I actually meant to check my blood sugar when I got home but I forgot all about it until after I had eaten and it would have been pointless then. I have mums old meter for just this type of occasion, I want to know what living like this is doing to my body. I want to know if I really am killing myself slowly and what, if anything I can do about it.<br />
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I have been trying really hard this year but I don't feel like I have accomplished anything other than adding a daily multivitamin to my morning routine. I don't feel any better and I have lost such a small amount of weight that I am honestly beginning to wonder if any of it is really worth it. I literally feel sick at the thought of changing my diet, but yet I want so badly to eat better.<br />
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You hear all these stories about people who start eating better and almost instantly they have all this energy, not me. I still feel tired all the time, still don't sleep anything close to enough and still work twelve hour shifts that might kill me if I don't do something about my lack of energy and sleep.<br />
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I have all but given up alcohol, not actually through choice but because I have a car now and I am always thinking that I might need to drive tomorrow and I wouldn't drive if I had been drinking the night before. I don't feel any better. <br />
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I take a multivitamin every day, I don't feel any better.<br />
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I eat more vegetables than I ever have in my life. I don't feel any better.<br />
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I am more active than I have ever been. I don't feel any better.<br />
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I have lost a little weight. I don't feel any better.<br />
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What exactly do I have to do to feel even just a little bit better?kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-72841662059486749592015-09-10T19:55:00.003+01:002015-09-10T19:58:06.439+01:00I just want to be accepted for who I amI have said before that my picky eating doesn't really bother me, and for the most part it doesn't. There are a few exceptions though, one of which is when I have contact with health professionals. <br />
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I am a health professional myself and I cannot imagine being as judgemental about people's life choices as some are about my picky eating - and that's not even a choice! I mean take smoking as an example, its a choice some people make and it can, and often does lead to health problems. However health professionals seem to understand that smoking is an addiction and that while it can be overcome, its very difficult for the person to do that. Sure they offer advice to stop, but it usually ends there.<br />
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With my picky eating however its almost always 'you need to eat more vegetables' well sorry but I cant do that! I ate my first vegetable in my early 20's so as far as I am concerned, the four vegetables that I do occasionally eat are an improvement. I am not asking for a pat on the back for managing to eat four vegetables, I understand how ridiculous that would be. But I do expect people to try to understand.<br />
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I know that there is not a lot of information out there on selective eating disorder, and that most health professionals have never met someone like me. I understand and appreciate that. However I also remember a time when there was no support for people to stop smoking, there is now. Everything has to start somewhere, all I want is support, or even understanding.<br />
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I was at the nurse last week, she informs me that I have lost around 8 kilos since I seen her last year. She told me she was happy that I have lost something and that things seem to be heading in the right direction for me, she even said she was proud that I had managed to lose weight despite my limited diet which she understands a little.<br />
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The doctor on the other hand tells me I should consider seeing a dietician. I told her I have done that before and it didn't work out, all they did was try to get me to eat more vegetables. The doctor reliably informs me that the field of dietetics has come a long way since I was a child so I asked her 'well what will they do then? if it will help I will go' She tells me 'oh they will look at what you are eating and advise you on how to eat better' I swear its like she doesn't even hear me!<br />
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I told her that simply isn't possible for me, if it was as easy as simply being told whats good for me I would have been 'cured' a long time ago. I know I could lose all this weight no problem if I could eat nothing but salad for a few months, I cannot do that it is not possible! She then basically accused me of not being willing to try and I did something I have never done in my life before - I got up and walked out!<br />
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All I want is for her to understand how hard I actually am trying, and I am getting there, just very very slowly. kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-57228156815186994512015-08-04T18:55:00.000+01:002015-08-04T18:55:27.469+01:00Braving the canteen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am being forced to brave the canteen in the hospital tomorrow, and likely for the rest of the week. I came off nightshift yesterday and start back on days tomorrow. With the amount of things I have had to do today, I simply haven't had time to get to the supermarket to purchase my usual lunch supplies.<br />
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Truth be told I am starting to get a little bored of eating the same thing every day anyway, but I cant say I am looking forward to the canteen one bit.<br />
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Although I take my own lunch every day, we have to go to the canteen to eat so I get a chance to see the menu which has occasionally had things I would eat on it. However it has also had things like macaroni cheese with leek in it that even my normal eating colleagues said sounded more than a little strange. I love macaroni cheese, but I couldn't be within ten feet of a leek!<br />
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They do also sell pre-packed sandwiches, but whether there will be any I can eat or not I don't know. Surely they will have at least one plain sandwich? I can eat cheese, chicken or tuna on a sandwich and if I am really pushed I can tolerate ham although I would rather not. Surely there will be at least one of those?<br />
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I absolutely have to get something to eat, I couldn't work a twelve hour shift with nothing to eat all day. I guess worst case scenario there is a shop that sells some sandwiches and stuff, although its a well known, far too fancy for me chain of shops so I doubt I will be able to get anything there.<br />
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Looks like I am back to picking stuff out of my food again!kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-29340641510320637252015-07-30T16:35:00.001+01:002015-07-30T16:35:13.134+01:00It has been a whileI haven't posted on my blog for ages, its not because I have given up or that I don't care, I have just been so busy with the move to the new hospital and other things going on. Food wise, not much has changed which means I haven't really had much to blog about.<br />
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I still eat the same thing every day at work for lunch, although I am starting to get a little fed up with it now. I plan to go shopping later on today and get some supplies to try and make a few different things that I can try. <br />
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They have finally put new microwaves in the canteen, while they are a good walk away from the ward, at least they are there. That should make a difference to what I can eat while at work, I just need to get organised at making stuff in advance the way I used to do before we moved to this new hospital.<br />
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The weight is steady, I haven't lost anymore as yet, but I haven't put any of what I had lost back on either. I haven't really had the time to go to the gym for the last few weeks but I hope to start back there next week once things have quietened down a little.<br />
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I am still struggling to eat more veggies, but I am definitely managing more than I was before. No new foods though which is maybe a little disappointing, but then I haven't really been putting the same effort in over the last few weeks as I had been before.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-6303776212902631012015-07-06T17:56:00.000+01:002015-07-06T17:56:13.702+01:00A great friendI was in uni today for a few hours with a friend to get some last minute revision in for an exam we have coming up. We had agreed before hand that we would go for lunch after the revision session. I wasn't worried, the places we usually go to eat are places I know well enough to know that I can find something to eat.<br />
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We were just getting ready to leave when I asked her where she wanted to go for lunch, she turned to me and said 'You pick, I can eat anywhere but you can't. I am happy to go wherever suits you' I swear I could have cried.<br />
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It seems like such a silly thing I know but its honestly the first time anyone has ever said anything like that to me. Shown a real understanding of my problems and actually cared about them. She is a great friend indeed.<br />
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We went to an Italian place where we have gone a few times, they have a lunch deal where you get a starter and main. There is one of each I can eat and I actually don't even need to modify them in anyway, I just don't touch the dipping sauce. For someone like me to be able to go into a restaurant and order something off the regular menu without having to alter it, that's a big deal. The prices are pretty good too and the portions are big enough if you are hungry, but not so big that you are overwhelmed by the amount of food on your plate.<br />
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While we were there we started talking about the upcoming graduation ball. My friend asked if I knew what the meal was going to be and I said no. She knew I had asked them to contact me about dietary requirements (I wrote a post about it at the time) but they have yet to do so. She suggested I try and find out who to contact as £40 for a ticket and not to get anything to eat is ridiculous, plus it will be a long night to go hungry.<br />
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She asked what I usually do for things like that and I told her I just try to make it work and eat what I can of whatever they serve which usually involves picking stuff out, scraping stuff off or not eating at all. She said that was terrible and I really should be telling people about my dietary requirements ahead of time so that they could accommodate me. I pointed out that not everyone is as understanding as her and that I really don't like to make a fuss. She said she would be making a fuss if it was her, its not fair of people to expect me not to eat anything all night.<br />
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The thing is that people do not expect other people to have a problem like mine. No one expects me to be sitting there with nothing to eat, they expect me to eat what everyone else is eating. If only that were possible.<br />
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kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-17039367948685060622015-06-29T17:29:00.001+01:002015-06-29T17:29:11.867+01:00I eat the same thing for lunch every single dayI eat the same thing for lunch every single day at work now, with one minor variation. Every day I have two small rolls, the type that come already sliced, with turkey and mayo. Most days I have a slice of cheese but some days I don't.<br />
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I have eaten this every day since a week after I started at the new hospital and realised that eating in the canteen wasn't going to work out. So why does that mean I need to eat the exact same thing every day? Well lots of reasons really.<br />
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Firstly there are no microwaves, toasters or kettles in the wards of the new hospital, although we can get hot water from the ward kitchens or pay for it in the canteen (yes they charge nurses for hot water). There is one microwave in the canteen - one microwave for all those staff, so your chances of getting to use it and still have time to eat your food within your half hour break are slim to none. That leaves two choices - either pay a fortune for food that I may or may not be able to eat and wait ages in the queue to get it then ages in another queue to pay for it (there are two till points in the whole place) or bring in something that doesn't need heated.<br />
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My list of foods that don't need heated is a very small one. I can eat some cold meats but not many, I can eat ham but I spend ages cutting off the fatty bits and I simply don't have time to do that in the morning before I leave. I don't eat salad or anything else like that so that pretty much leaves me with turkey and/or cheese on a roll.<br />
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I don't get bored of my safe foods easily, but I have weeks and weeks left at the new hospital and I am sure I will get bored eventually, plus I am hoping to get a full time post there later in the year. I have to come up with a solution to my food problem, and I have no idea how I am going to do that.<br />
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I simply have to find something else to eat.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-7970578053382876132015-05-29T18:26:00.001+01:002015-05-29T18:26:25.593+01:00Great adviceI have been on nightshift the last few weeks which means I have my break by myself as we have to go one at a time since there are less people working nights than there are on days. This means I spend a lot of time reading nonsense on my phone.<br />
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I was going through my recommended stories on my google now app and an advice page popped up, not the type of thing I normally read, but the title had me interested. It was something along the lines of 'girlfriend eats like a toddler' and of course I immidiately identified with it.<br />
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I started reading, the man writing the letter was complaining that he is a chef and therefore loves to cook but the fact that his girlfriend only eats 'toddler food' as he described it, is putting him off. He acutally says in his letter that he doesn't think he can live with it much longer and is considering leaving her!<br />
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I was upset on this poor girls behalf, but my mood soon changed when I began reading the agony aunt's answer. She basically tore him a new one and even mentioned selective eating disorder. She explained to the letter writer a bit about what selective eating disorder is, the fact that it is a real problem and basically he needs to be more understanding. She also said that she has heard of some people with selective eating disorder having some success with cognative behavioural therapy (CBT). I dont think CBT is something I would be willing to try, but I am so happy to hear that some people are finding ways to get over this horrible disorder.<br />
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I also feel the need to point out that my partner is also a chef and we have had no such issues with my diet. He is more than happy to let me cook most of the time since he knows I prefer to cook my own meals so I am sure I know what's in them. As the years have gone on he has learned my preferences and I have learned to trust him to make certain meals for me. I guess its a give and take thing, I had to learn to trust him with food and he had to learn how to deal with my problems with food and what that means for cooking. I really am so lucky to have him.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-61106256426936806182015-05-13T14:16:00.000+01:002015-05-13T14:16:02.571+01:00I wishI wish my life didn't need to revolve around what I can and can't eat. <br />
I wish I didn't need to constantly worry about whether I will even be able to eat anything when I go to an event. Most of all, I wish I could be normal.<br />
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For the most part my picky eating doesn't really bother me, I think I cope quite well with it. I am not afraid to tell people that I am fussy, or that I cant eat certain things and I am quite good at modifying foods to make them edible when I need to..<br />
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Sometimes though, it really gets me down.<br />
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It gets to me that people know I am trying to lose weight, then they look at what I am eating and you can tell the are thinking 'how the hell is she going to lose weight eating like that, she's not even trying' I want to scream at these people 'YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD I AM TRYING!!!' you have no idea how hard it is for me to even consider eating a new food and you have no idea how hard it is knowing that the chances of me getting to a healthy weight are very slim, and that there is very little I can do about that.<br />
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I do understand that its not these peoples fault that they have no understanding of what it is like to be me. I know that the way I eat seems strange to most people and that most people couldn't imagine that the eating disorder I have is even real, but it is very real. I just wish that people wouldn't judge me. Maybe I am eating something that you perceive as being unhealthy because it is the only available option for me, that is usually the case.<br />
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This week I have had a fried breakfast twice. Being honest I could count on one hand the amount of times I have eaten a fried breakfast by choice, it is certainly not a favourite of mine but it is something I can tolerate. Out of the available options in my uni in the morning (especially now that the main canteen is closed for renovation) the only thing I can eat is either a fried breakfast or a breakfast roll containing one of the fried breakfast items. Therefore people assume that I just like to eat unhealthily and when I say that I am trying to lose weight, they think I am not trying hard enough.<br />
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Strangely enough, I don't like sweets that much, I pretty much never eat any sweets and never chocolate. People find that so odd. They find it odd that I eat like crap but will turn down chocolate. I don't get it, I am not the only person in the world that doesn't like chocolate.<br />
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I have good friends in uni, some of them really do seem to understand what I am going through. Its the first time in my life I can honestly say that I think my friends get it. Or at least they understand that I don't eat certain foods, I don't think for a minute that they have a full understanding of the reasons why. It means so much to me that they try though. For the most part they will try to help me by going places I can eat without too much trouble. One friend even left one of the uni cafes with me after I realised that there was nothing there I could eat, not everyone would do that especially since we get such short breaks between classes most of the time.<br />
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I started this blog in the hope that I could help people understand what it is really like to suffer from selective eating disorder. I don't know if I am succeeding in that as yet, but I know I will keep writing about my struggles with food until I do.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-42119012343827192072015-05-01T18:54:00.002+01:002015-05-01T18:54:43.099+01:00The weight is coming off!I was at the gym yesterday for the first time in a few weeks. I have just been so busy with being on placement, pulling extra hours that I owe to make sure I can graduate on time, writing an essay and studying for an exam all at the same time while still keeping up with regular things like shopping, cooking and the occasional few hours sleep.<br />
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I was genuinely worried that I was going to have put on all the weight I had lost and then some, since you don't exactly eat well when you are working all those hours and I eat terribly anyway. I had only lost two kilograms before starting that placement but it was something and I really, really hoped I had kept it off.<br />
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I was astounded when I looked at the scales in the gym to find that not only had I kept off my two kilos, I had lost another four! I cannot tell you how happy I am right now.<br />
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I know that I am on my feet all the time at placement and that's likely the reason why, but I was still really surprised since I have always been quite active but the weight has never came off before. I have never lost a gram of weight on any of my previous placements.<br />
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I need to make sure I keep up my gym visits as much as I can. I am off for three weeks just now followed by a week in university before starting my final eighteen week placement. I hope I can keep up the good work I have been doing and try and make even more changes to my diet that will help.<br />
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I have started using my slow cooker more often (I actually have something cooking just now), this is great because it allows me to cook a whole meal while I am not even here, or when I am busy doing other things. That's helping me to eat more real food and less junk. The problem I have is when I get in from a twelve hour shift where I have been out of the house for around fifteen hours, the last thing I want to do is cook. So I usually turn to breakfast cereal or toast which are hardly nutritious foods. <br />
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If I use the slow cooker I can at least eat something half-way nutritious. I have also enjoyed experimenting with different things I can cook in the slow cooker. Maybe I am not eating new foods as such but I am starting to manage different combinations of foods I like and am finding ways to cook them in a slightly healthier way. I hope I will be able to add some new things into my slow cooker recipes, maybe a vegetable or two if I am really lucky.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-22540370306265551762015-04-25T21:06:00.002+01:002015-04-25T21:06:30.609+01:00Buffets are not alwasy a picky eater's friendI wrote a post a while back about how buffets can sometimes be a picky eater's best friend, and I stand by that. Sometimes buffets are great because they allow you to pick and choose what you put on your plate and no one really thinks twice about what you are eating.<br />
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However that relies on there being things that you can eat, which usually for me there are. However I was at a party last night where they had quite a fancy buffet. I honestly didn't even know what half the stuff was. <br />
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I was able to find a giant plate of sausage rolls and figured I would just grab a handful of those which I did. I ate one and it was actually really nice, I bit into my second and panic set in. This was not a sausage roll but one of those cheese and onion ones that pretend to be sausage rolls. Someone had mixed them into one plate and there was no obvious way to tell them apart.<br />
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I had to spit the thing out. The toilets were miles away and I knew I would be sick on the way if I tried to make it there so I just had to grab a napkin and try to get it out of my mouth as quickly and discreetly as possible. I then just had to deal with the taste left behind.<br />
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Thankfully on the rare occasion I go out involving alcohol my usual drink of choice is spiced rum which has a strong flavour that will mask just about anything. I had just been to the bar so had a full drink sitting, after drinking the whole thing, going to the bar to get another and drinking half of that too I finally felt safe that I wasn't going to throw up.<br />
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It's experiences like this that make me really upset about my problems with food, not just because I was left with nothing to eat the whole night but because I look like a total weirdo being the only one that's not eating, plus I was sitting with a plate of sausage rolls (or things that were pretending to be sausage rolls anyway) but not eating anything.<br />
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I have known the people I was with for over twenty years, but to be honest I don't think they know how fussy I am. We have been out to eat before but because I hide my picky eating well by ordering plain foods and not making an issue of it, most people don't realise how bad the problem is.<br />
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I do not expect people to cater for me at parties, and I have never once asked for anything special to be made for me other than if I am provided a menu in advance for a wedding or something where I can write on it something like 'no salad please'. However I can't be the only person in the world who doesn't like those stupid cheese and onion pretending to be sausage rolls, why on earth someone would put them on the same plate without some way to tell them apart is beyond me. I mean what if someone couldn't eat cheese because of an allergy or lactose intolerance?<br />
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I guess its just one of many problems not faced by normal eaters and the person who put them on the same plate had no idea that they would cause me such distress. I mean when you think about it, who gets sick from simply having onion in their mouth? It sounds ridiculous even to me.kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1962345949601150066.post-57776473078624120612015-04-22T00:13:00.002+01:002015-04-22T00:13:49.973+01:00I have slipped back into bad habitsWith being on placement and working three or four twelve hour shifts every week for the last eight weeks while trying to write an essay, study for an exam and do my best to help out my sick mother I have slipped into my bad habits again recently.<br />
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Its really difficult for me when I am working these shifts, so little of what I eat is portable and reheatable. I guess I need to try harder if I am being honest but all I have eaten for the last eight weeks is the same three or four pasta dishes over and over again. I have three ready meals I can tolerate so I just have to rotate them, or eat toast while at work.<br />
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It is really depressing, everyone in the staff room has lovely looking salads or fruit and I have basically the same thing every day. Porridge or toast for breakfast break and one of these stupid pasta things for lunch. I don't even really like the pasta things if I am honest, but it something I know I will be able to eat since its not like I have any way to get an alternative if I don't like something.<br />
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Nightshifts are the worst because usually someone will bring food for everyone or they will all order out. I cant do that. I feel horrible because people make an effort to make sure there is enough for me to have some too and I have to turn it down but its better than possibly vomiting I guess.<br />
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I know I need to change, I am just not sure how I am going to do it. All the foods I like are unhealthy.<br />
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The good news is that according to the hospital scales I have actually managed to lose some more weight. Of course until I get back to the gym and check on the scales there I wont be sure since all scales can be slightly different but its quite a big difference so hopefully I have lost something. According to the hospital scales I have lost three kilos which would be amazing considering how badly I have been eating. I don't know how on earth I have managed to lose anything, I am on my feet all day but that's really not much different than normal if I am honest, and I have been eating like crap.<br />
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So I guess I have a reason to look forward to the gym this week!kirstyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07743469490972984547noreply@blogger.com3